Behaviors of Manipulative People
Many of us like to think the best of
people. We like to think that they shoot straight and are forthright in
their intentions. We also like to believe that they will ask for what
they want and not resort to crazy tactics to get it. Unfortunately,
however, there are times when we come across those who will do whatever it
takes to get what they want…including manipulation. Being manipulated
never feels good, but the worst part of manipulation is that often, we don’t
even realize that it is happening. Here are a few ways to know if someone
is trying to manipulate you:
1.
Buttering
You Up: To get their way, manipulators will
often make you feel good so that they can then ask you to do something that
they want. The person may first compliment you or tell you what a
wonderful job you did on something. Making you feel good will, in their
mind, make it difficult for you to say no…after all, you wouldn’t want to
disappoint them or give them reason to think you didn’t deserve the compliment
in the first place. What you can do: Return the compliments and the
niceties before saying no.
2.
Guilt: This doesn’t only pertain to Catholics and Jewish Mothers;
guilt trips have been a successful manipulation tactic for centuries. The
saddest part of this strategy is that the victims of this tactic succumb to the
manipulators’ demands because they feel they HAVE to, not because they WANT
to. In personal relationships, this sets up a co-dependency that is
extremely unhealthy. What you can do: Ask the individual if they
want you to do something because you have to or because you want to. If
they say they want you to want to do it, tell them that you don’t and that they
are trying to force you into something you don’t feel comfortable with.
3.
Broken
Record: Probably the most obvious of
formats is the broken record tactic. If a person asks you enough or pushes
their agenda enough…constantly repeating the question or request over and over
again…in slightly different ways, the victim will inevitably give in and give
them what they want. Oye! What you can do: Ask the
individual what they don’t understand about the word “no.” Tell them that
asking you over and over again isn’t going to change anything and that they are
inappropriately over-stepping boundaries.
4.
Selective
Memory: This one gets me the most.
You swear you have a conversation about a plan and everyone is on the same
page, and then one day, the manipulator pretends to remember the conversation
completely differently, if at all. What you can do: Record your
conversations…seriously! Okay, maybe not. At least have a witness
that you can count on to back you up if the person pulls this shenanigan.
Call them out on the fact that they conveniently change the game to fit their
needs.
5.
Bullying: If a person doesn’t get their way, they make you out to
look or feel like the bad guy…like you are the wrong one. What you can
do: Be firm and tell them that their bullying tactics are inappropriate and
unacceptable.
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