There are two keys which are most important in interpersonal relationship and in relationship with oneself. They are almost secrets (which everyone knows!) yet they are conspicuously missing in most of our relationship. They result in our imagining or hallucinating what other feel and what they think. Their absence causes a great deal of personal misery. To the degree you use these two. You will find your relationship with other improves, and you feel better about yourself. These two great keys are:

1. Tell others what you think, feel and want, and

2. Ask others what they think, feel and want.

Two things which get in the way of improving feeling and relationships are:

“People should know what I really feel and want”

“It is a weakness to show how you feel and think” (when there is a problem).

The reality is that others do not know what you think and feel; they might not even realize they are upsetting you, especially if you smile to cover your hurt. And they do not know what you want unless you tell them. If people know what you know what others feel, think and want without their telling you, you must be reading their minds. If the previous two statements are true, then we must be terrible mind readers.

We expect others to tell us what they fell, think and want. But we can ask them. And we cannot expect others to ask us what we think, feel and want, but we can tell them.

Of course, there are times to be silent. We would not continually express what we think, feel and want about every little thing. But our modern society could do better if we stopped hallucinating what others thinks, feel and want, and asked them; and if we stopped expecting others to read our minds, and said what we thought, felt and wanted. It is a matter of good communication, and communication is the solvent of all problems.