Then, how can I become what I am?

So many influences incessantly hit upon me that by the evening I became what I was not. A heavy head, a mechanically beating heart and a biased mind made me a second rate human being that lived like a worm in a drain. I was lusterless.  I was a dead star. And I had neither heat nor light and was slowly moving far away from my original self.

I ordered a cup of coffee in a restaurant and sat on the chair with my eyes closed. I had been to that place before and that evening I went there because I wanted to discover myself. My closed eyes saw numberless faces floating into my mental space and then spreading and thinning out, making room for another series of similar type of thought waves. I yearned for a calm evening with the moon in the sky………The waiter served the coffee on the table. Hot steams were curling up and a curly-haired beautiful girl, who was dressed in a red dress, was tossing her hair at the next table. The hot curling steams from the coffee-cup rose up to disappear in the thin air and the girl also rose up from his chair and mixed with the long dark crowded street. The girl went away but the mechanically beating heart danced with some unknown soft feelings. The heavy head started to fly with winged imagination. The biased mind rethought about life anew. And the second rate human being now shined like a bright star and he had warmth and light………..I stopped for a moment and once again felt I am not what I am. She was another influence and I was bright in her light. Then, how can I become what I am?