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Cognitive skills : Talk support
Talk support
Bottling up serious anxieties and concerns can make them seem worse than they really are and allowing them to fester over a period of time can be harmful to our confidence, self esteem and general feeling of wellbeing. It might even trigger some illness.
‘A problem shared is a problem halved’ – or more – and there is no substitute for talking your thoughts and feelings through with someone, as long as he or she is an appropriate person in whom to confide. The right time and the right place are important too. The ideal person will meet most of the following criteria:
+ Someone you trust
+ Someone who will listen carefully to what you say
+ Someone with whom you feel comfortable and reasonably relaxed
+ Someone with whom you can be honest and open about how you feel
+ Someone who will not make you feel foolish
+ Someone who makes you feel good about yourself
+ Someone who can see both sides of an argument
+ Someone who might bring a fresh or different perspective to a situation
+ Someone who really makes you stop and think
+ Someone who cares enough to give you their time and support
+ Someone who will be honest and constructive
Choose your confidant carefully. Think through the gist of what you want to say but don’t over-rehearse it. Wait and see where the discussion leads you before forming firm opinions or deciding on a course of action. Give yourself time to reflect. Maybe a follow-up discussion would be helpful.
If you choose your partner as your confidant, then it is preferable to avoid having such a discussion at home where you will be surrounded by the reminders of domesticity and probable distractions. Perhaps a long walk or a meal in a quiet corner of a pub where you stand a better chance of staying focussed.
It is interesting to reflect that we seem to be relatively good at somehow managing the upset of life’s major setbacks such as redundancy, divorce or even the death of a loved one. I don’t underestimate how devastating any of these can be or how long-lasting the effects. However, compared with hidden cumulative stress, they are less likely to lead to illness or burnout because they are in the public domain and the sufferer will hopefully have the benefit of a support network of family and friends to depend upon.
Bottling up serious anxieties and concerns can make them seem worse than they really are and allowing them to fester over a period of time can be harmful to our confidence, self esteem and general feeling of wellbeing. It might even trigger some illness.
‘A problem shared is a problem halved’ – or more – and there is no substitute for talking your thoughts and feelings through with someone, as long as he or she is an appropriate person in whom to confide. The right time and the right place are important too. The ideal person will meet most of the following criteria:
+ Someone you trust
+ Someone who will listen carefully to what you say
+ Someone with whom you feel comfortable and reasonably relaxed
+ Someone with whom you can be honest and open about how you feel
+ Someone who will not make you feel foolish
+ Someone who makes you feel good about yourself
+ Someone who can see both sides of an argument
+ Someone who might bring a fresh or different perspective to a situation
+ Someone who really makes you stop and think
+ Someone who cares enough to give you their time and support
+ Someone who will be honest and constructive
Choose your confidant carefully. Think through the gist of what you want to say but don’t over-rehearse it. Wait and see where the discussion leads you before forming firm opinions or deciding on a course of action. Give yourself time to reflect. Maybe a follow-up discussion would be helpful.
If you choose your partner as your confidant, then it is preferable to avoid having such a discussion at home where you will be surrounded by the reminders of domesticity and probable distractions. Perhaps a long walk or a meal in a quiet corner of a pub where you stand a better chance of staying focussed.
It is interesting to reflect that we seem to be relatively good at somehow managing the upset of life’s major setbacks such as redundancy, divorce or even the death of a loved one. I don’t underestimate how devastating any of these can be or how long-lasting the effects. However, compared with hidden cumulative stress, they are less likely to lead to illness or burnout because they are in the public domain and the sufferer will hopefully have the benefit of a support network of family and friends to depend upon.
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