How to Handel, When Your Boss is Bad,
When Your Boss is Bad
With a manager or boss that fits the description of being just plain bad. Bad bosses leave their employees feeling weary, frustrated, unhappy, and unmotivated. Conflict with a difficult manager can be daunting and intimidating, and if handled poorly can bleed over to impact both one’s personal life and scar the psyche.
Before taking action it is important to determine if your boss is unwittingly bad and could be reformed with some help, or bad to the bone and hopeless. Below are some healthy suggestions for dealing with either type, and to help you get control of the situation.
When Your Boss Is Clueless
One can only hope that the manager in question is unwittingly bad or clueless. They have little or no idea of the havoc they are wreaking. A hands-off manager, for example, may view his lack of setting a course as a method of empowerment, when in reality it is causing confusion. Someone new to people management may be so overwhelmed with the new job they don’t know where to begin in terms of offering support.
Communication and motivation are not one-way streets. They should go both ways, placing employees in the position to communicate and motivate their managers in the direction you are hoping for. Here’s how:
Talk. As politely and focused as you can, tell your boss what has worked best for you in the past in terms of direction, feedback and support. Telling the boss he’s a bad boss is counterproductive and won’t help you meet your goals.
Take initiative. Don’t wait to be given work. Find out what needs doing and suggest to your boss that you can take it on.
Generate new ideas. If you think of a better way to get something done, tell your boss about it and start doing it.
Lend a hand. Everyone needs support, especially when times are rough. Make sure your boss knows you’re there to help. Ask the manager how you can help reach goals. Make sure you listen well and provide the needed assistance.
Offer solutions. While your boss should be there for helping out with problems, you’d be surprised at how many welcome ideas for solutions.
Compliment. Everyone is human – and compliments go a long way toward brightening someone’s day when they are sincere.
Be positive. Negativity is depressing for you and those around you.
Evaluate yourself. Before going on the attack, examine your own performance and get feedback from coworkers to make sure you are in the right. If they have suggestions for performance improvement, take them to heart.
When Your Boss Knows
Sometimes one is faced with a manager who has been made aware of their behavior and nevertheless feels it is condoned; or perhaps even learned from a former supervisor who had success using this methodology.
While the future may not be as rosy with the boss who knows as may be the case with the unwitting boss, the future does not have to be as bleak as you may be envisioning.
The first step is to recognize that you are not the problem . . . the bad boss is. Here are some ways to take control of this challenging situation.
Private appeal. Don’t go to war publicly without first drawing attention to the behavior in private. Who knows? You may get a half-hearted commitment to modify the behavior, in which case hold them to it. Allowing them to revert to bad behavior reinforces that it is OK to treat people badly.
Seek mentorship. A professional mentor may be able to guide you through the murky waters of dealing with this manager in a way you hadn’t thought of before. At the very least, this mentor may be able to assist you in enlarging your opportunity for experience to best position you for movement to another area down the road.
Appeal for help. If you have tried a private appeal without success, the next step is to approach human resources or the next higher level of management. You will need to have examples, preferably documented, of the behavior in question and the impact it has had on you.
Power in numbers. Approach co-workers in the same boat as you and consider approaching HR or the manager’s manager as a group. Perhaps the size of the group will indicate to them the size of the problem.
You will need to show that you have tried EVERYTHING ELSE prior to higher level escalation. Going up the chain of command should be your last resort, as this will likely only increase conflict in the workplace.
When All Else Fails
You’ve tried everything. Your boss can’t, or won’t change, and you can’t take it anymore. You are left with two choices – find a new job, or find a new outlook. During rough economic times like those we are facing today, finding a new job may take a bit longer than you would like. Here are some tips for wrapping your head around a new outlook to help you survive until things improve.
Remove emotion from conversation. When your boss yells, don’t yell back, walk out or tune him out. This will worsen an already bad situation and be seen as a personal affront. Confrontation breeds more conflict and could easily escalate into a war of egos.
Instead, try and turn the tables. If they criticize your work, for instance, ask them for their advice on how your work can be improved. The key then is not to react, but to acknowledge and move on. Turning the tables strips the power behind the verbal attacks.
Know it’s them and not you. Internalizing this simple fact may do wonders for boosting your levels of patience.
Keep it professional. While you don’t have like your boss, you do have to remain professional and get the job done.
Leave work at work. Keeping your personal and professional lives separate will help minimize your stress levels.
There are always times when you must put your foot down, particularly if the situation is becoming abusive. One suggestion for diffusing this sort of situation while remaining firm is to say something to the effect of “I understand why you are angry about certain work-related issues, but I do not feel it’s appropriate for you to attack me personally.”
Surviving the Big, Bad Boss
There are certain situations, particularly those that are abusive, where there is little choice but to show this documented behavior to someone in a higher position (be it HR or their manager), or leave.
The above article identifies amenable steps employees can take to mitigate a non-abusive but nevertheless stressful situation. With any luck, these measures will help improve working conditions. If not they should at least make things more bearable until a better job comes along.
Regardless of the outcome, the tips should help you walk away each day knowing the problem lies with them and not you, and to ensure the surrounding negativity does not take its toll on your self-esteem or your personal life.
Jay Parasher
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