THE KEY TO SUCCEEDING IN MARRIAGE IS NOT FINDING THE RIGHT PERSON; IT’S LEARNING TO LOVE THE PERSON YOU FOUND.

The Circle Of Life

As Elton John one of my favourite artists sang – It’s the circle of life! Similarly EVERY relationship has a cycle. In the beginning, you fell in love with your spouse. You anticipated their call, wanted their touch, and liked their idiosyncrasies. Falling in love with your spouse wasn’t hard. In fact, it was a completely spontaneous experience. You didn’t have to DO anything. That’s why it’s called “falling” in love – because it’s happening TO YOU. People in love sometimes say, “I was swept off my feet.” Think about the imagery of that expression. It implies that you were just standing there; doing nothing, and then something came along and happened TO YOU. 

Falling in love is easy. It’s a passive, spontaneous experience. But after a few years of marriage, the euphoria of love fades. It’s the natural cycle of EVERY relationship. Slowly but surely, phone calls become a bother (if they come at all!), touch is not always welcome (when it happens), and your spouse’s idiosyncrasies, instead of being cute, drive you nuts. The symptoms of this stage vary with every relationship, but if you  think about your marriage, you will notice a dramatic difference between the initial stage when you were in love and a much duller or even angry subsequent stage. At this point, you and/or your spouse might start asking, “Did I marry the right person?” And as you and your spouse reflect on the euphoria of the love you once had, you may begin to desire that experience with someone else. This is when marriages break down. People blame their spouse for their unhappiness and look outside their marriage for fulfillment.

Infidelity Is Not The Solution

Somehow it seems contradictory to preach that Infidelity is not the solution when a major part of our income comes from investigating extra marital affairs! But I believe in wishing the best for all and I know that my blog post here is not going to change anyone’s mind! But if I have planted an extra bit of insight and perspective in the minds of those contemplating an affair it will serve my higher purpose of helping people holistically and not just through temporary fix jobs. Extramarital fulfillment comes in all shapes and sizes. infidelity is the most obvious. But sometimes people turn to work, church, a hobby, a friendship, excessive TV, or abusive substances. But the answer to this dilemma does NOT lie outside your marriage. It lies within it…I’m not saying that you couldn’t fall in love with someone else. You could. And TEMPORARILY you’d feel better. But you’d be in the same situation a few years later. Because:

SUSTAINING love is not a passive or spontaneous experience. It’ll NEVER just happen to you. You can’t “find” LASTING love. You have to “make” it day in and day out. That’s why we have the expression “the

labour of love.” Because it takes time, effort, and energy. And most importantly, it takes WISDOM. You have to know WHAT TO DO to make your marriage  work. And, make no mistake about it. Love is NOT a mystery. There are specific things you can do (with or without your spouse) to succeed with your marriage.Just as there are physical laws of the universe (such as gravity), there are also laws for relationships. Just as the right diet and exercise program makes you physically stronger, certain habits in your relationship WILL make your marriage stronger. It’s a direct cause and effect. If you know and apply the laws, the results are predictable – you can “make” love.

If You Are In A Bad Relationship – Self Help Techniques May Not Work

Counselling May Help

If you are in a bad relationship self help techniques may not work unless you seek the right type of advice. If you walk into any bookstore you will see shelves of books written on relationships. They will cover all topics and be written by men and women, some of whom will have very impressive credentials. But how do you know they will work? How do you know that these same writers are themselves happily involved with someone? Quite frankly I believe you have to be in a great relationship before you can help other people with theirs.

After all you don’t go to a nun for sex help do you? So why ask a single person how a partnership should work? You want someone who cares whether you and your partner make it or not. Someone who will answer your emails should you wish to ask them a personal question because just sometimes the books don’t always cover everything. Any relationship can be improved. There is no such thing as a “perfect one” just as no human being is perfect. But you can have a great relationship with your existing partner.
They are probably Mr or Ms right for you, just you have hit a couple of hurdles you need some help in getting over. If you would like

Self help marriage counseling may be an answer for those of us that don’t want to sit down with a stranger, to discuss the intimate details of our relationship. But unless you know where to start and what to look for, you probably aren’t going to achieve much more than another argument. The problem is that when you are involved in the situation you often can’t see things from the other person’s perspective. It is important that you learn as it takes two to tango as the old saying goes. You will have to deal with painful issues and discussing these will take patience and practice. For example, sex may be causing an issue between you but it is often very difficult to discuss making love. Both of you may feel embarrassed or ashamed or annoyed that this subject is coming up again.

So before you dive into sorting out your relationship, make sure you have done some reading and tread carefully while you apply what you have learned. Take things slowly and don’t let your discussions turn into an argument. If things get heated, walk away and cool down. You cannot make the other person speak to you, so if they are not into a chat at that time, then leave it, and wait for a couple of days. Usually you will find that your partner is just as eager as you are to sort things out. Pick your moment before applying the relationship self help approach.

As a footnote if you think you need marital counselling, may I refer you to Sadia Raval and her excellent team at Inner Space Therapy. They are located at Malad West and their services are highly recommended. They also have phone and online counseling options. You can view their website here - http://innerspacetherapy.in/ and can contact Sadia Raval on her number +91 9833985538 for any help to sort out your marital issues.
 

Also do not hesitate to contact me on my number - +91 98195 80458 for any discreet investigation pertaining to your spouse’s activities that might be causing you untold stress and anxiety. If you suspect that your spouse is having an affair, do not point fingers at him / her without getting a grip on the facts first! Knowing the facts will ultimately help you make decisions with a cool head and that will augur well for the future of both you and your spouse.

Amit Sen, a commercial pilot by training, has over 15 years experience in the space of corporate investigations, handling Copyright & Trademark infringement cases, Pre – employment verification Industrial Espionage investigations, Asset & Net – Worth assessment assignments and vendor / supplier verification cases, among others. Co-founder of Alliance One Detectives – which is the best post marital investigation agency in Mumbai, Amit has also successfully completed corporate investigation assignments in a wide range of sectors, including the machine tools industry, pharmaceutical industry, hospitality sector, specialized equipment (Oil & natural gas sector, aviation industry etc.), telecom industry & the IT & ITes sectors. These cases have all involved both offline and online investigations.