When appreciation mounts itself on a white steed. When the rush of compliment gushes through the hair. When near and dear acknowledge effort. When the smile of fulfillment spreads across those that get involved. Then does the stride fall firm and resolved ; then does it bring rapid circulation into depressed veins ; then does it fill the breath with an air of lightness - a lightness that allows one to drop his head in humble sublimation.

I feel all of this today and I crouch with the burden of accolade. It quietens the soul, mesmerizes the ability to expound in loud joy and levels your existence.

I have felt this many times before and each time there is the submission to the powers that be, for generosity and their unparalleled attachment to this poor soul that seeks but nothing more than the desire to accomplish that which has been assigned to me.

The weather continues to play havoc in many parts of the country and witnessing the many extenuating circumstances on the media information, breaks ones heart. Suffering is such a harsh reminder of what human endurance is all about. And every time we feel that human limits have been breached to a point of no return, comes a moment which breaks the last limit. And all we do is stand and stare.

There is a valve within us that closes, or does it open, when pain can no longer be felt because of its severity. The numbness that many a written word from the greats have expressed, is but a true reflection of our state. I could be beaten into submission to toe a particular line, but never would that affect the truth that one bears and believes in. That strength of belief and conviction is what makes one a man, a woman. And not necessarily metaphoric by its description.

There were times in the hospital in 1982, when medical procedures were beyond the realm of pain, simply because there had been such an excess of it that any more would have failed to register - the threshold having been broken and destroyed.

Feelings fall into somewhat of a similar category. Once you succumb to feeling or several feelings which are detrimental to our existence, we are numbed beyond that for any effort that may come about asking for change. Not until the change overtakes the previous at least. The affection for a loved one is an example of extreme. Try denting it or running it away and you shall hit a wall. Any challenge to it ridicules the reason behind. It demeans the effort made. When I have expressed a desire, the desire has not come about through sudden compulsion. It has been thoroughly studied and researched before it commits. I can say I like something, but what can I express to give it a denomination, a figure, a number. Once a confession is made and accepted, do I need to continue the process ? That is the million dollar question. Many would disagree and lament the fact that affection and emotion are valued customers, but their revalidation and in some cases continued reassurance is what makes the association stronger and long lasting.

My commitment and love are the basis of this communication. For me, the daily output is a compulsion which is self imposed. It is self imposed because I have given the association the limit of my feeling. Once that has been established, I do not require more exhibition.

In a relationship their maybe moments when reassurance becomes necessary. It may be an age old belief and we will welcome it. But for me that is it. I have committed once with faith. It must be taken as the ultimate.

Our conversation today becomes too philosophical and detached. The coffee shop student concept of sharing and voicing opinion on every thing under the sun, prevails. At midnight it may not necessarily be the apt topic. But it is reflective. A little reflection hurt no one !!!

The bearing of pain was where we started. Beyond a point there was no pain. Affection and love fall into the same category. Will excess of it be ever desirable, knowing that there is space only for this much and no more ? I wonder !!

My love …. beyond pain and beyond excess

Amitabh Bachchan