Rajmata Gayatri Devi of Jaipur, passed away this evening at 4 PM. Just a few days back on learning of her indisposition I had sent her a bouquet of flowers and a get well card in Hospital. Her son had acknowledged my letter and informed us that she was very pleased to have received my concern and wishes. At 90 she is no more. This exquisitely beautiful Princess from Cooch Behar, the erstwhile kingly state in the region of now West Bengal, one of the most beautiful women in the world, gone.

As a young student in the Delhi University I used to sneak into the Jaipur Polo ground, next to the Air Force colony opposite the Gymkhana Club in Delhi, to watch some of the finest polo players of the country, riding majestically on thorough breds competing with some of the finest teams from overseas. The Maharaja of Jaipur, a great proponent of the game, would play there and accompanying him used to be his wife, the Rajmata Gayatri Devi, in her soft and pastel flowered chiffon’s, a picture of grace and beauty. It was expensive to get into those grounds and to find a place on the stands to watch the fast paced ‘chukkers’, but we managed to get in and kept ourselves at a distance from all the main activities. Never in my born days had I ever imagined that one day I would get to meet this lady. But time and circumstances changed that. While working in Calcutta we moved around socially in a group of common friends who were related to the Cooch Behars - as royalty from that region was addressed. The Maharaja of Cooch Behar himself a great polo player and the brother to Gayatri Devi a most distinguished and handsome man, would often play at the polo ground in and around the Victoria Memorial and the race course and we would gather around to ogle at them on Sunday evenings. He had had a fall from his horse during one of the games and a severe concussion to the head had kept him in-firmed for long. After joining the movies there were many visits to the pink city of Jaipur for shootings and that is when a formal introduction with the Rajmata took place. Of the many private palaces that belong to the Jaipurs, some have been converted into grand hotels and I have had the pleasure of staying in them and enjoyed their exquisite regal ambience. I was later asked by Gayatri Devi ji to inaugurate one of the functions at the girls school that she started, now a flourishing institution. Some years ago she had invited me to be the chief guest at a charity she promoted for the under privileged and cannot forget what a gracious host she was that evening. On another occasion she called me over for a private lunch at her Lily Pond residence, serving me personally with delicious vegetarian delicacies which she had so considerately asked her kitchen to prepare. She wrote a personal note to me a few years back to seek my involvement for another event that she was inaugurating, but time constraints kept me away. That was the last communication I had had with her. The many palaces of these princely states have some of the most unique artifacts that I have ever seen. Crystal ware and silver, paintings, art work, the ‘pichvai’ murals rare and beyond value. At one of the smaller private palaces, now converted into a boutique hotel, where Queen Elizabeth had stayed during her visit to India, there is a painting of Gayatri Devi’s mother. And I shall have to say this, that her beauty was unmatched. Gayatri Devi documented her enchanted and eventful life in her autobiography; a fairy tale of this lovely Princess from Cooch Behar. May she rest in peace.

It is difficult to dwell on the rest of the blog after going back in memory for a soul departed. But life moves on.

There was a temple here in Singapore that Jaya had visited and we decided to take a drive to it along with my friend in the evening. A moment of solace and peace prevailed during the half hour that we were there. A neat and clean environment, pandits from the South and just a couple of visitors. Very soulful. Took some pictures too -

It is now 6:45 Am ! And I still remain in blog. The mind wills the body to be alive and awake and fertile. Many thoughts run through as words develop on the board. Ugly thoughts, pleasant thoughts, thoughts of harmony and peace and of disharmony. Why do we destroy our inside with hatred and ill will. What is it that prompts us to build within us a vocabulary that flourishes in vile and abusive expression. We never hurt those that such expression is directed to, we hurt ourselves. We destroy our internals and damage them beyond repair. Do we not sometimes look at a person and gauge at his demeanor. Something within us tells us that all is not well. We also look at some and conclude how well natured a person could be. When we develop within ourselves negativity, negativity will show in our facial expression. When we shall develop within ourselves peace calm and positivity, positivity peace and calm shall prevail in our exterior.

What good is it then to fill ourselves with abuse, when we know that we shall abuse nothing else but ourselves. It pains me into sleepless nights to witness ugliness, to see it being demonstrated live within range and to be helpless and insufficient in being able to bring resolution. And even if resolution were to be afforded, the moment, that moment of wild uncontrollable despicable behavior, would never erase itself from my being.

I am this way. Maybe it is soft and tender philosophical bilge. But there it is. And there I am, scarred bruised and bleeding inside, with no hope of healing. And I pray. Pray that I may be subjected to penance to avoid recurrence. That I may through this deed swallow within me all the ‘else’ that others demonstrate. To take away the poison they are inflicted with and to drink it away from them, even if it destructs me within.

Amitabh Bachchan