A few days back, a young friend of mine called me up and insisted that I should come to his house at once. The reason was that his retired 70-plus widower father was very agitated and angry with my friend and his wife.

On my way back my thoughts were all about the reason behind this messy relationship. As I understood it, the father was adamant that he should get every mark of traditional respect and love that he felt he deserved as a father.

Moreover, he felt it was his due that his son and daughter-in-law live up to his most minor specifications. In other words, the relationship, by his definition, was about Rules, Regulations and Control.

But do we ever get love and respect by demanding it from our dear ones or do we need to earn it by way of giving them the freedom to live their lives peacefully without attaching strings? Love is for giving and not for taking. The paradox is that when we give love to others unconditionally and without any expectations we get it back in plenty without even asking for it.

All our resentments, frustrations, prejudices are only because we build up unrealistic expectations from others. In interpersonal relationships the most harmful expectation is to expect the other person to behave exactly the way we want him or her to be.

This is possible when we practice detachment instead of attachment. By detachment I do not mean indifference but appropriate concern for the well-being of others, while offering support, care and guidance only when asked for and during crises.

Detachment means not demanding ownership of the identity of the other person, for each one of us likes to be a unique individual.