SCIENCE OF LIFE MANAGEMENT

I would like to share the speech that I heard about the Science of Life Management by Swami Swaroopananda of Chinmaya Mission.

Every one wants Success. Is there one person here any background, any age, any gender, any field who doesnt want success ? Whether be it any profession, business or family life or study, or fiendship, relationship in all we want success. When we look at the success of others , we often say success is a matter of luck. But wise people do not say that success is matter of luck.

Success is a product of proper management. When we are able to manage our work/relationship properly then we can expect success. Without proper management success is not possible. Today in the work field, mismanaged business will lead to disaster. Mismanaged relationship will lead to break up of the relationship. The term management is used mainly to educate the people in the professional field or in the business field. But everything in our life has to be managed. If our relationships are not properly managed, even they lead to disaster. We have taken the word management only in the limited field of managing things in the office. Even the computer has a file manager. So management is doing the actions in a proper manner in a certain order which can bring you success.

When we want success in business/family life, we really want our whole life to be successful. We know really well that successful in business means making a lot of money. But in the house, if the family atmosphere is miserable can you call it success? What we forget nowadays in modern management is that each one learns to manage only certain department. Even in a company, if one department is looked after and the other mismanaged, the company will not be successful. The first thing we have to know is until and unless our entire life is successful we cannot truly call ourself successful.

If we have not achieved success so far it means that somewhere the things are not managed properly. If we have learned to manage our life, we can learn to manage anything under the sun. If you closely observe most of the companies are successful over a period of 20 years. Some very rare rare companies have survived for a century but remember spiritual institutions have survived for a millenium. Without giving money how do they manage a whole of 100 and million and thousands of human resources, generate human resources and funds. Take it to the Sankaracharya institution or Sikh Gurudwaras. From where do they learn this art of management and bring about centuries of an organisation running so smoothly and effectively. And that too with Volunteers. Is it not that we have to learn something from them?

Swami Chinmayananda in his speech has told that we should learn to manage our own Manager-THE MIND. All management techniques can be effective only for a particular field. Business management technique in U.S. cannot be easily applied in India. The art of management where you bring your HEART and MIND into it cannot be achieved by earning a management degree or a few management techniques. That science of management is what our scriptures have spoke about.

It is not that difficulties/problems will not come in life. There are people in difficulties or problems who become more inspired and consider it to be a challenge and even happy. A jawan on duty in the border takes it as joyful opportunity to serve his country in war front, but the parents think it as a calamity. Do not think that difficulty/problems create sorrow. Sorrow is created by something different. We have to learn to manage our life in such a way that we are happy in every situation. Is that not what that all of us desire.? All of us might think it is not possible.

This is the first thing in management that we have to learn. IF WE THINK THAT IT IS IMPOSSIBLE, IT IS NEVER GOING TO HAPPEN. As Napolean said, IMPOSSIBLE IS THE WORD IN THE DICTIONARY OF THE FOOLS. Nothing is impossible if you try. And without trying if you are going to say, it is impossible, you have lost the battle already. Therefore first thing what we have to do is "IT IS POSSIBLE AND WE HAVE TO MAKE IT HAPPEN". Once we know that it is possible, we will find out how it is possible. These are simple things. But they come from the profound depth of the scriptures.

If we want complete success and we want to be happy , then look around us – Are people reallyhappy ? Observation of Guru Nanak is so pertinent even today – everybody in this world have some or the other sorrow. Buddha said "SARVAM DUKHAM DUKHAM". Most of us say that we are not that miserable. Today the attitude is that if you go to Satsang, people say His life is very miserable. Otherwise he would have gone to a discotheque. The general belief is that only if you have some problems or misery you go to a temple or Satsang. Here we have to analyse and find out HOW LONG LIVED IS OUR HAPPINESS? So Buddha added SARVAM KSHANIKAM KSHANIKAM. Even that little joys that we get are only temporary. There it takes us to the truth that every joy at its end will take us to sorrow.

An Experience

One young man who was very spiritual, successful, having a nice family, everything going very well in his life, with loving kids said that he was very happy in life and did not have any problems. Others near him asked Swamiji, people come to listen spiritual discourses only when they have a problem. The man said, Why should i come to these discourses. Already i am happy. He added. I enjoy these discourses very much. Please do not misunderstand me. I just come because I like to be with all of you and I enjoy this company. Other than this, there is no purpose behind this.

Swamiji just asked this man one question. At this moment you are happy Right? Because your business is doing very well and you have a very obedient wife plus one who cooks very well and your children have grown up with good values and at the moment are doing very well in school. The man replied. What else a man would want now? Family and business doing well, name and fame in society, good company etc. What else do you ask for?

Swamiji asked just one question. Suppose you find out that your wife has got CANCER, Suppose you find out that one of your child has got into drugs Suppose at this moment your business collapses. He cried Swamiji dont even tell it. Swamiji said to him that Your HAPPINESS STANDS ON A PINHEAD. When it will fall off you do not know. In Bhagavad Gita, Lord Krishna Said. Asukham Anithyam is this world. Eventhough there are moments of joy in our life and hopes of happiness, all or joys are also temporary. Everything in this world is full of Sorrow.

Bank on Your Capital/ Asset with which your are Born !

Bhagavad Gita doesn’t says that success is a matter of luck. Success depends on what proper management we have done to succeed or what mismanagement we have done inviting failure. This world is a Kuruksheta-Karma Bhoomi. Each one of us have come with a certain Capital , Certain Asset. We had been given a certain ability, a certain intellect and the capacity to work. Everybody can do an action , but every action is not work. When action is done intelligently to produce something, it is called work. In work, there is a difference between labour and work. When we struggle miserably and reluctantly, it is labour. When we work intelligently with inspiration, it becomes work.

The Question of WHY and HOW

When sorrows come, most people will sit back and ask Why this to me? People sit and question Asking Why? Why? Why? For scientific discoveries Why is necessary. But to live your life, it is not the question Why but How?. This is the science of higher management. In a big company, if a project is put forward, observed very carefully, majority will discuss how it is not possible. The first thing we start discussing is its failure, its impossibility. Life brings in so many different situations. Rather than sitting and crying Why this to Me, the one question we should ask is how I can solve this problem or how I can reach the goal.

In the first chapter of Bhagavad Gita, if you carefully watch, Arjuna is constantly complaining Why Me? Why should i fight with my relatives? What am I going to get out of it? As long as he was asking Why Why Why, Sri Krishna is silent. Because you can’t give any reason. But one who wants to feel pity for himself , no explanation is going to work.

The moment when Arjuna realised that he is totally helpless, he asked Krishna, this sorrow of mine I cannot remove. Therefore please tell me How? The whole Bhagavad Gita begins when Arjuna says that I am deluded, Please instruct me How can i get out from this sorrow. He stopped asking WHy and questioned How?

Hundreds of people are dying in the society daily. But we are not crying over it. But when somebody in our family dies, we cry Why did GOD take away? If God gave it, God can take it back. If some one is born, somebody will die. But How to face that situation, that makes the difference, whether a person is going to remain miserable or if the person is going to make a difference. Therefore, when you run your company, when you teach your children or when you run your life, ask why to may be find out the cause, but if you dont get any answer, dont worry, think about How?

How is the word for Management. Each one of us has a certain potential.That which brings our potential to productivity, that science of management is called Dharm. That science of management which brings out the underlying potential in each one of us and brings about productivity in us and success, that is called Dharm. Dharm brings prsoperity, peace and happinesss in our life.

Life only brings situations. Never problems. It is only when you think you are incapable of handling the situation, it becomes a problem. So always call a situation as a situation and do not call it as a problem. It is a problem only when you do not know how to handle it. Secondly, if any problem or difficulty comes, do not sit and say Why Me?. Instead ask How? Thirdly, when any sorrow comes into your life, do not blame others for it.

If you blame somebody else for your sorrow, then you cannot do anything about it. The moment you give somebody the blame of your sorrow, which means you are not responsible or you are not in charge. A very common situation in indian household is the mother-in-law daughter-in-law episode where they keep on blaming each other. The moment you blame someone else for your sorrow, it means you have given up the responsiblity for removing that sorrow. Secondly, if you blame someone for your sorrow, your sorrow is intensified. Somebody might be nasty to you, might be saying all bad about you. But it is your responsibility how to respond. Another important factor is understand the nature of this world.

Everything in this world is transient. Constantly changing. Nothing is permanent in this life. If joys are not permanent, even sorrows are not permanent. All our experiences are temperory and therefore, if it is temperory keep the attitude, this too shall pass away. And bear it. Some things you can’t change or remove. If physical sickness comes, you can sit and cry and feel miserable about it. Till the doctor cures, you have to bear the pain. If you sit and complain, you are making everybody’s life miserable and everybody wants to run away from you. Bear it very gracefully. You will get the sympathy and help of everybody. If you can learn to bear your pain, then also the pain is not that bad. It is so apt.

Understand the nature of this world. Everything is temperory. When you look at your past, the things that made you cry when you were a child, the things that made you cry when your sweet heart left you when you were in college etc. Today when you look back at it , you can laugh. Its like a dream. All the joys, sorrow and those things that appeared real to you, today appear as a dream. When you have problems today, 10 years from now, how will you look back at it. You will probably laugh and tell everybody the stories of your heart break.

Work seriously in your life, but dont take life seriously. Take this life as a game. Take it as a TV show,, take it as a drama, play your part well, get the applause, walk out of it. Whatever you see, cry with the tragedy, but enjoy the show. This is what every woman who watches constantly the TV serials does. The serials make them cry miserably. But at the end of the show, they say, this is a very good serial- I enjoyed it.

Last but not the least, have some trust that this whole universe which is going on so beautifully, there must be a Kartha, there must be a maker. You love the soft idlis you make and keep on asking how is it? Or you sing your own composition and keep on asking others how is it? Why do you do these. Because you love your own creation.

Try to understand that the one who have made this entire universe, definitely will love his creation including you and me. Simple thing to understand, whatever is happening in your life , is HIS loving gift to you. Even when a mother feeds bitter medicine to her child, is it to torture the child? or to cure the child? Understand at that moment that God is giving you something which is good for you. Joyfully take it with the attitude – it is for the best.For those who dont believe in God, nature has given us everything. What we do with it is our give back to society, to the parents, to nature, to God.

The Essence of this Talk

Life brings in situations. Not problems.

Stop Questioning Why and start questioning How.

Dont blame anybody for your sorrows. Take it as your responsibility.

Take life as a game. This phase will pass away.

What ever you have is God’s gift to you and whatever you do with it is your gift to HIM. Whatever you get in the course of your life is the BEST for you.

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This is question raised by a parent to Swami Srikantananda (Swami Vivekananda Institute of Human Excellence). Just read the answer given by Swamiji..

Question :

Our children are so sensitive that we are afraid of telling them anything. We do not know how will they react. How should we deal with them?

Answer:

The first thing is to set an example through one’s own life. If your life is pure and disciplined, even without your telling they will assimilate those qualities. Secondly, you must give then certain amount of freedom. Do not try to be a policeman, always watching and suspecting their movements. At the same time yow must keep a watch over them from a distance. If you sense something wrong with them, first verify the truth before arriving at a conclusion. You can easily collect the facts from their teachers and friends by occassionally visiting their work place or school or college. No human being is perfect. It is our nature to make mistakes. No one does it intentionally; it is out of ignorance. Naturally children due to their lack of experience in this world will commit mistakes. You must learn to forgive them. " To err is human, but to forgive is divine", so goes a popular saying.

After a certain age, they should be treated as friends and handled with great respect. As far as possible do not take recourse to corporeal punishment and harsh scolding. Develop tremendous patience to correct them in a friendly way. Your genuine love and concern for them will certainly bring about a change in their behaviour. Give them positive ideas, good literature to read, expose them to good surroundings. Once you provide them with good food inside your home, they will never think of searching for other food elsewhere.

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Essence of Nidityaasana

Nidityaasana is all about CBM – Confidence Building Measures for a Samsaari. When in difficullty, how does a normal human being respond? Immediately he/she will rush to his friends or fellow beings for help. Now how will they respond?

•They will be very sympathetic to you..

•Yow will be loaded with heaps of advice and lectures

•Yow will be mercilessly lectured about the mistakes done by you for the present difficult situation you are in..

and literally there will be no Confidence Building Support or a single word from your fellow beings.

As Swami Paramarthananda says, when in difficullty, if you run to fellow people, then you are a Samsaari. If you turn to GOD then you become a Bhaktha or a Karma Yogi. But whatever be the trying situation, if you look deep inside your SELF, you realise that you possess all the inner resources to tackle all confrontations in life. Here you become a Jnana Yogi. So a human being should uplift himself from being a SAMSAARI—-> KARMAYOGI———>JNANAYOGI , which can again be simplified as World Dependence to GOD Dependence to SELF Dependence.

How is this possible?

How can one move from World Dependence to GOD Dependence to SELF Dependence, which is nothing but Independence? When will this Independence take place?

This Independence will take place when every human being should take a major decision in his/her life to change the thought pattern. Changing the thought pattern is purely Vedanta. Here Swamiji explains in simple terms targeting an ordinary lay man, who cannot understand Vedanta, how to change the thought pattern. This change in thought pattern works wonders in facing the difficult situation in two patterns. Psychological and Physiological.

Swamiji illustrates this with the help of a beautiful experience about a lady who had to undergo cateract surgery. The experience in her own words follows.

"Myself and my husband are old and i had to undergo cateract surgery. I decided to do the surgery in the local place. My son who is settled elsewhere, offered to come and stay with us during the surgery. I told him you need not unnecessarily spend your time taking leave and leaving your family alone in that remote place. We can somehow manage it."

Then she told, if he had not offered help, I might have felt bad and helpless. But the very offer of help was enough to give us the moral support that there is sombody to help us out.

All situations remaining the same, if the children did not offer support, then the very event is looked differently. I dont have anybody to help and it becomes more painful and helplessness is felt more. We experience more strain than otherwise. The psychological truth is , what we require is not help but " an offer to help".

The feeling that I have help/moral support from outside, this very feeling helps to build up the confidence level and when you have Confidence, you will have enough resources to handle the situation.

"When you repeatedly entertain the thought that you are independent, strong, fearless and strongly believe that you possess all the inner resources to tackle the most trying situation in your life, then the first divine knowledge show up and tell you that YOU ARE NOT HELPLESS OR LONELY.

Secondly the deep repeatation of this thought pattern will evoke the divine INTELLIGENCE that is resident in every human being surfacing the solution for the present crisis."

Physiologically when this thought is entertained you will not feel helpless or lonely. When there is helplessness and loneliness, the magnitude of suffering is much more..especially in old age. In old age naturally the physical body is feeble and weak. We expect our kids to take care of us. Instead let us reverse our thought pattern and say that I know my son/daughter is always there when i am in a difficulty or a trying situation, but for the present movement i can manage this situation. This makes you a person of strong will and you are SELF DEPENDENT. But at the same time you have the psychological moral support of your kids whenvever you are in difficulty.

Swamiji further helps us to attain Independence with the following words. "Take a decision that KNOWLEDGE(about the supreme divine power that lies inside yourself) IS MY REFUGE and take a SANKALPA, whatever be the trying situation, I will appraoch the divine knowledge in the SELF. When you start practicing this highest Vedantic Philosophy, the divine inner help automatically pops out to solve your present crisis or challenge.

It is called as NISCHAYA SANKALPA ABHYASA, Where

N- stands for Knowledge

S-stands for the strong will to depend on the Self

A-start to practice constantly the change in thought pattern

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Improve Communication with your Family

After listening a lecture on Imporving Communicaiton with Family, I thought i will share this with everyone.

When a neighbour visits your house over a cup of tea and you start feeling irritated because you are running late for an appointment, how will you deal with the situation? Even when irritated or impatient, we often make the effort to listen and communicate with friends, acquaintances, and even total strangers with more respect than we give our own children. Imagine the same scene in a breakfast table where the parents and kids meet. Do we treat our children with the same respect we are giving to total strangers?

Most parents would say they value the relationships with their children yet, because of their emotional involvement, find it difficult to communicate respectfully with them at times. Today’s children are facing dangers not known of in the past. With pressures and issues like drugs,internet addiction and the like which children are facing today, quality family relationships are becoming increasingly important. The need for open communication and positive family relationships is becoming all the more important and vital.

Most parents want their children to feel free to talk to them, yet don’t always know how they can foster this type of relationship. It helps if parents can remember that communication involves proper timing and both talking and listening. When children have a problem, their parents’ efforts at "listening" often result, instead, in lecturing and offering advice. Unsolicited advice provides little opportunity for children to share their feelings and can result in children becoming reliant on others’ influence. In turn, these children may develop inadequate decision-making skills as they mature.

Parents can help children feel encouraged by accepting their feelings. Acceptance means a willingness to allow children to be individuals with preferences and opinions of their own.

Most parents can be very accepting about most of the feelings their children have, unless they say something that makes the parent angry, anxious, or uncomfortable. It is common for parents to then revert to old habits and become defensive. Effective listening involves a respectful attitude, concentration, eye contact, and an effort to stop and think about when to be silent and when/how to respond. A simple nod or word of acknowledgment will let a child know you are listening. When listening, avoid probing questions like "why?" These questions shift the focus from feelings to analyzing and children may interpret it as a denial of their feelings.

Sometimes children will express their negative emotions in inappropriate ways, such as tantrums or yelling. Parents can allow children to feel angry but share specifics about how they can express their anger in acceptable ways(like punching a pillow).

When parents have negative feelings or want more cooperation from their child, they also need to respectfully express themselves. Instead of ordering and nagging, focus on the problem without blaming and give children a chance to decide for themselves what actions they need to take.

Finally, here are some tips to encourage your efforts at improving your family’s communication skills.

•Be authentic with your emotions and wording without blaming the other person.

•Have the courage to be imperfect — there are no perfect parents. New habits take at least twenty-one days of practice to establish and it is common for children to test parents during this time.

•Positive, open communication is only one area that parents can address to improve their effectiveness as parents.

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Which is the hardest job in the world?

One of my friend went for an interview in a college and one of the questions she faced was "Which is the hardest job in the world?" Almost shocked , she never expected this question in an interview for the post of a Psychology Teacher. She was expecting some questions relating to psychology straight way from text books or articles based on psychology or case studies. Her answers like being the Principal of a college, being the chief editor of a magazine, being the army head etc brought negative remarks from the interview board. Atlast she gave up and after the interview was over, she politely asked the board the answer of this particular question which she was not able to answer.

The person who asked this question gave a big laugh and asked her "How many kids do you have?" she said two. Then the interviewer asked her Dont you think that it is Effective Parenting the most hardest job in the world.? Without a doubt she said yes yes.. But i never expected this question in an interview for the post of a psychology teacher.

Generally speaking we want to be proud of our children and know that they have grown into capable adults who can take care of themselves and hopefully be a benefit to our community as well.When it comes to our children I think the universal end result is to ensure that our children experience a happy childhood that results in them growing into happy, self-confident, productive adults who are capable of making their own way and succeeding in the world. The childhood years are precious years that pass all too quickly.

These goals are highly desirable but how do we achieve them? If a child can look back on a happy childhood you can bet they were extremely valuable years to us too. If your style of parenting instills a healthy self-confidence and high degree of self-esteem during your children’s formative years, you know you are moving in the right direction. One tip I would offer is to remember the word ‘courtesy’. Showing those we love, be it partners or our children, the same common courtesy and respect we show to total strangers sometimes get forgotten in the everyday turmoil of life. We are just too close. Failing to acknowledge our loved ones can cost us dearly. Don’t let it happen and never forget your children are just as entitled to the same courtesy and respect as the next person.

By showing your children such basics you are helping them to start to feel terrific about themselves. If self-confidence and self-worth are to become an integral part of your child’s psyche the rich soils of respect and courtesy are an absolute necessity. Being a good parent is difficult, being the best parent is probably impossible. But it is worhtwhile to strive for these ideal qualities. At the end of the day, ‘Parenting ‘ may be the hardest job in the world but it’s probably the most rewarding too.

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Husband Wife Relationship

An old couple residng at Newyork celebrating their 50th wedding anniverssay invited Guruji to their home to offer him "Biksha"rather than throwing a big party. The elderly woman, though old was incharge of cooking and her presence was felt in almost all corners of the household. The Guruji in the midst of their conversation asked the gentleman (when the wife was away at the kitchen) These days people cant stay 50 days in marriage, but how come you stayed in marriage like a place in America for 50 long years. Elderly man managed. He didnt find an answer. But she was listening in the kitchen. Shyly she came behind the curtain and said to the guruji "Swamiji you like some one because of something, but you love someone inspite of everything. That is the glory of love. Love is not blind. Blind love is attachment.You dont see the faults of others. Love is that which sees the good in the other and brings out the best. Therefore that which brings out the worst in the you/other is the lower form of love. That which brings out the best in you and your beloved is the higher form of love.

In the lower form of love you are ready to give happiness only for happiness in return. But in higher form of love you think only about the happiness of the beloved. For the happiness of the beloved, he/she is ready to even sacrifice or even suffer and that suffering finds joy. People give up thier life for their country and find it great joy!! Is it not? Sree Ramachandra gave up his kingdom for his father’s word and found joy in it and not suffering. Because he loved his father. He loved honesty. In lower form of love there is always fear and insecurity. The story of Rukmani and Satyabhama about winning Krishna is depicted here. Sage Narada wanted to test the love of Rukmani and Sathyabhama.

Narada Muni went to Rukmani and asked her, where is Krishna? Rukmani politely said, must have gone out for some work. Narada sarcastically asks her, "are you Sure"? There are other places like Brindavan, Satyabhama etc. etc. Rukmani very confident about her love firmly says to Narada that she knows about Krishna and will definitely come back to her wherever he might go. She does not have any fear or insecurity about Krishna leaving her. Narada went to Sathyabhama and repeated the same question to her. Sathyabhama said , I dont know. Must be sitting with some Rukmani or…She requested Narada to do something so that Krishna is only for Sathyabhama. Narada asked her to do a particular Vratha and said her that she has to donate what she considered the most precious of her belongings, so that Krishna comes back to her.Krishna was most precious to her and as per the Vrata she had to donate him. Krishna had to follow Narada. He made a slave of Krishna. Sathyabhama started crying. Why are you taking Krishna? Give him back to me. Okay. Then you give me something else for Krishna so that I can return him. She said I will give all my jewels to Krishna. It was fine with Narada. She put all her jewels, precious diamonds, gold, silver, etc etc in the pan for the Thulabharam of Krishna. But Krishna could not be measured in jewels. Finally she goes to Rukmani from whom she wanted to steal away Krishna. She says to Rukmani the whole episode and asks her to give all the jewels she has so that Krishna can be bought back. Rukmani laughed at Sathyabhama and said "Do you think you can measure Krishna with these jewels?" She continues, Take all my jewels if you want. But Krishna cannot be measured with these jewels. She removes all the jewels from the pan and keeps one Tulsi leaf and that is heavier than Krishna and wins Krishna back. This is the glory of love.

What happens in a Hindu Marriage ?. The girl goes behind the man three rounds. In the first round she says, in your pursuasion of your Dharma, duties , I will be behind you. In your seeking of prosperity, I will stand behind your success or failure. In your joys and enjoyments which are with Dharma, I shall always be with you to give your pleasure.

In the last and fourth round, one thing she demands – that in death "I shall go before you". This is what a woman asks in marriage. In death I go before you and I dont want to stay behind like a widow. She says I will go first and prepare the kingdom for you there. This is all that a woman demands from a husband. But in reality, if the husband dies first, the wife will survive without much difficulty. But in the other way, if the wife parts away first, the husband finds it very difficult to survive. Why? Because the woman was always the giver all her life and the man was the receiver or dependent. She was giving care,love,attention,education, life lessons etc constantly reminding them about their duties to her children and family. Men on the other hand do their only job of providing for the family by bringing money for their survival and existence. As Kalidas puts it " Wisdom comes naturally to woman. But men get it from books."

When you love your parents you love your brothers and sisters and when you love your country you will love all your fellow beings. Love is one that ends your ego. But today, in any family, there is only ego in relationships. You said this about my feelings – so i said this to you. As Kabirdas puts it, If you have to live in the house of love, then eliminate your ego. Only then you can experience the joy of love.

——————————————————————————————–by V.S.GOPALAKRISHNA,

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