For almost anyone entering the workforce, dealing with strained relations and difficult personalities is unavoidable. Living and working in a social world requires that from time to time we will have to interact with people that simply rub us the wrong way. Perhaps the most difficult of these strained relationships is the one that occurs between an employee and their boss. While all relationships in a workplace have the opportunity to create problems, the relationships between an employee and their boss may be the most volatile; as well as most threatening to job satisfaction.

The relationship between boss and employee is often characterized by power differentials and expectations. To many people, their boss represents a source of conflict and hostility in the workplace. While this may not be true for everyone, the majority of people in the workforce will have at least one incident in which they disagree with their manager. While most disagreements are healthy, some can explode into battles that cost us advancement, jobs, and even friends. Because of the inevitability of this conflict, it is important to develop the skills to prevent and cope with any disagreement that may arise between you and your boss. By simply keeping a few things in mind throughout the work day, employees can decrease the likelihood of conflict and increase the opportunity to achieve a more satisfying work environment.

Open Communication

The first step in reducing conflict is to establish open lines of communication. Establishing open lines of communication is vital for any relationship, in or out of the workplace. By freely communicating how we feel and what our expectations are we increase the likelihood that others will not misinterpret our intentions. This is especially true in dealing with a boss, because animosity can build very quickly when dealing with someone who has authority over you.

As in any relationship, having open communication between you and your boss is very important to keeping the peace. Knowing exactly what is expected of you on the job will prevent problems and animosity from straining your relationship with your boss. When new tasks are assigned to you, don't be afraid to ask questions in order to fully understand what you are expected to do. By more fully understanding your role, you will not only perform better at work, but you will also improve your relationship with your boss. The same is also true when you are feeling hostility in the workplace. By openly communicating your problems appropriately, you improve the chances that the problem will be fixed.

One way to improve your communication skills with your manager is through the use of "I" statements. An "I" statement is a way of communicating a problem without impressing blame on your boss and putting them into a defensive position. Let's say that an employee feels overworked and has decided to convey this to their manager. An initial response may be for the employee to say, "You're working me too hard! This isn't fair". This statement will almost certainly push their boss into a defensive position, and now from the beginning there is a conflict. By changing this statement into an expression of their own feelings (an "I" statement), the employee can assert a position without assigning blame. By instead saying, "I feel like I may be doing more than my fair share of the work, and this is beginning to really frustrate me", the employee can express their feelings and still maintain a positive dialogue with the manager.

This open communication extends beyond simple day-to-day tasks. Employees should feel free to conduct an open dialogue with their bosses in order to facilitate this process of open communication. A quarterly review is not the only time you should spend discussing your performance with your boss. By seeking guidance on a weekly or bi-weekly basis, an employee can not only improve relations with their boss, but also demonstrate their own willingness to improve their performance. While a simple weekly conversation may not seem like much to you, your manager may see it as an attempt to do more for the company; and that may keep you in good standings for your quarterly review.

Stress Management Techniques

Despite our best efforts to prevent conflict, it is likely that at some point you and your boss will have a disagreement that can not be communicated through. This may be due to differences in personalities, pressure from upper-management, work related stress, or one of you simply having a bad day. When the incident occurs it is important to remember that despite personal feelings or views, your boss is still a person with power over you and butting heads with them can have serious consequences. Therefore, in order to avoid being reprimanded or even fired, it is important to have a number of stress management techniques at your disposal in order to keep your cool.

Most of these techniques are very simple and can be utilized daily at work. The most important part of these techniques is being able to recognize your stress when it begins to build. One way to alleviate stress is simply counting to 10. When you begin to feel overly stressed, simply count from 1 to 10 very slowly while taking deep, cleansing breaths. By taking this extra 10 seconds to calm yourself, you should find yourself more prepared to deal with conflicts with your boss.

Another important technique for managing your stress is truly utilizing your breaks during the day. Many people take their breaks but spend the time worrying about what will happen when they return. Your lunch time and breaks should be a personal moment to recollect yourself and relax. By festering on the events of the day, we overshadow the point of having a break and add undue stress to our day.

Respecting the Chain

No one likes to be disrespected, and your boss is no different. It is very important to keep that in mind when you have an issue or problem that you feel deserves immediate attention. As your manager, your boss has a responsibility to not only ensure that you are doing your job, but also to ensure for your safety and well-being. This means that any issues pertaining to you should be taken up with your immediate manager.

In some cases, you may want to speed up the process by skipping your boss and going directly to an upper manager. While this may seem helpful, it will likely cause hostility between you and your boss. By bypassing them in the chain of command, you have disrespected their authority and may have made them appear foolish to their boss. While your immediate needs may have been met, the boss you regularly deal with now feels betrayed, foolish, and even hostile towards you; a situation which can cause trouble in the future. For this reason, it is usually best to speak to your boss first about any problems you have, even those that pertain to his behavior. If, after addressing these issues with your boss, you still feel these issues have not been addressed, then it may be appropriate to seek a higher supervisor.

Another issue which can damage your relationship with your manager is that of interoffice gossip. When we feel upset or unappreciated by our boss it is often difficult to hide. It may be even more difficult to keep these feelings from coworkers who share our feelings. While it may feel helpful and therapeutic to talk about these problems with our coworkers, if they have not been identified to your boss, then these conversations amount to nothing more than useless gossip. It is more helpful to keep your issues between you and your manager. By minimizing the amount of interoffice gossip, you show respect for your boss and improve your work relationship.

Maintaining a positive relationship with your boss is very important to achieving a satisfying work environment. This positive relationship can be the key to a happier workday, a more fulfilling career, and even more opportunities for advancement. By communicating clearly our own needs and expectations, establishing stress management techniques, and showing respect for the business chain of command we improve our office relationships and decrease the likelihood of conflict in the workplace. With these tools, we can help to decrease office hostility and keep the peace in the world of manager and employee.