Breakfast for me today, as it does every morning, starts with the centre page of Deccan Herald. Today’s article had the headline above, an article written by Heather Timmons. I read it through with almost a smirk –this litany is so common! The article ended with a quote by Narisetti, (the current Indian psyche, reinforced by a decade of growth and development) “is one where being critical of anything Indian is immediately seen as being negative or down on India”, and adding another phrase from the same individual(I assume) ‘that it was very easy to be type cast as an “ungrateful whiner”.’

This last line made me go back to the beginning and look at the byline and the first few lines again. The first line started like this – “When 7-year old Shiva Ayyadurai left Mumbai with his family nearly 40 years ago, he promised himself he would return to India someday to help his country.”

Ayyadurai is now 45, had moved to India, had some bad experiences, made some stupid mistakes and has apparently gone back.

Reading the last line of the article and then the first line again made my hackles rise and may be in some way justified the comment that criticism of India, today, is not taken as casually as it was before. But, and this I am sure others who read the article will feel too, a “7-year old vowing….” – sounds great as a first line for an article to get the readers’ attention but believable?

I am digressing a little here – the point of this post is not trashing the article – I am a staunch believer of “to each his (her) own(thoughts/ideas/opinions)” and I apologise for any irritation it may cause the author.

The point of this post is something else altogether.

Digressing some more, I will ask a question here – “Have you ever seen a mother having to dispense bitter medicine to a toddler?”

If you haven’t, then let me tell you how it is done – first you try and distract the child. This works a couple of times and then the child gets wise and starts yelling / struggling the moment he sees the medicine bottle or spoon. Next she might try concealing it in something sweet. This too works for a while and the child grows a little wiser and refuses the sweet. She might try many more tricks and when all else fails, will overpower the child and as it is yelling pour the medicine down its mouth and the medicine goes down as the child gulps in protest.

The mother persists because she sees the bigger picture –the return to good health of her baby. The thought of complaining that the baby doesn’t take its medicine nicely doesn’t even enter her head.

So, right about now, I can hear some skeptics mumbling –what does that have to do with returning diaspora and their shock? A little patience and all will be revealed.

If it is to be believed that Shiva Ayyadurai and many others like him did vow and came back to ‘help’ their country then they sadly failed themselves. They wanted to ‘help’ but only on their own terms. They did not seethe bigger picture that the mother saw so clearly – the things that needed to be done; the help that needed to be proffered – and the will to do them come what may. The mother knew, because she loved her baby, that what needed to be done, had to be done –no matter what. It didn’t matter what she had to face or go through to get it done – she found ways to get around the obstacles. She had no other choice,and therefore found ways to counter or ways to go around.

The returnees probably did not have the love to sustain them through the tough times nor the commitment to endure what needs to be endured when there is such love.

Then again there is the question, “are these people in their 30s and 40s, who left the country as mere kids, Indian in anything but their looks?”

Another one, “do they have it in them to go on despite the difficulties? Because what they say they have come here to do is really something they are passionate about?”

And the most important of all, “would these people now coming home, be here but for the recession in the US or Europe, and the perception now,that India is a land with a lot of opportunities by contrast?”

The answer to all these questions would be a resounding “no”.

The crucial question being, “how many of them would be here if the US and Europe had still been ‘booming’?”

Let us now concentrate on another aspect. I have heard that when students or executives are sent to other countries for work or studies,the institutions that send them put these people through a familiarization process. They are told about the culture, dos and don'ts, customs, habits, what to expect under various condition, what to do when faced with certain situations etc. The purpose is to make the transition as painless as possible. Maybe also to ensure that there are no ‘incidents’.

These measures do help and expand the visitors’ knowledge and therefore improve their chances of integrating with the natives more easily.

Back once more to the dilema of the returnees. These people have spent a considerable time away from the country. Those who went as adults will find that in many ways the India of today is very different from their memories and in some ways exactly the same as before. The ones that went as children only have the picture as imparted by their parents and therefore their picture too is dated.

For both these categories of people it has to be understood that they are not ‘returning’ – the India they are coming to is very different from their memories. They need the same orientation and familiarization that other foreigners need to be able to weather the differences and difficulties that they are bound to face.

If they were going to China, or Turkey or Somalia, they would willingly learn about the culture and the way things are done there and where ever there were difficulties would try and work around them. That they look different from the natives there would probably make it easier for them to do this.

That they look like the natives here fools them into thinking that they can continue to be as they are, continue to think as they do and survive.

To all those who are coming here for whatever reason, my advice is:

Remember how you made efforts to adjust when you first went to the US or any other country. Whether you want to admit it now or not, you did give up some things to meld with the populace. You adjusted the way you thought and the way you did things to get along and be accepted.

Remember that good though some things are in those countries, there are still enough bad things that make headlines there and here. Those countries are in no way paradises.

Remember too that there are plenty of good things here – things that you will gain if you persist– the same way you gained the good when you persisted there. This country too is no paradise just the way those countries are not.

Remember that had you insisted on doing things the way you were used to, you would have found life difficult in those countries as well. Your strength was your ability to adapt.

Remember that if enjoying the fruits of ‘transparency’ and ‘efficiency’ has not eroded your innate ability to adapt, then you will be able to benefit from the good here as well.

Remember that ifyou really want to help then you needto be like that mother – have abundant love and patience and a determination todo what needs to be done with what exists and not lament about what doesn’t.