(In a lighter vein)

Advani is just focusing on his one-point-programme these days…nothing else. And, that is, to become the prime minister! His campaign is going hammer and tongs. Here is a humourous take on the election trail of Advani:

“Some young fellow sold me this idea that internet is the order of the day,” says Advani. “Internet is the favourite haunt of young people these days. They spend more time surfing the internet than anything else. If you want to win the election, you must have a net presence.” Let me share a secret with you…those were the words of wisdom of my campaign manager!

But, I drew inspiration from Narasimha Rao who used to move around with a laptop at his age though I have always wondered whether he knew how to operate it! But, the laptop certainly spruced up his image as a tech-savvy PM! So, I decided to give it a try…

I registered a website for myself and put out advertisements in over 2,000 sites which says: “Advani for PM.” It makes me happy when I see my pictures pop up everywhere!

However, in the hurry, I forgot that the Indian flag is a horizontal tricolour. My PR guys placed me in front of a vertical tricolour and I let it pass. It was so embarrassing when one of my childhood friends called me to say that he never knew the Indian flag is a vertical tricolour before he saw my Ad campaign on internet. I fired my PR guys. They quickly replaced it with a horizontal tricolour in the background. But, the damage had already been done. That advertisement was on the net for nearly a month. And, thousands of netizens must have seen it. Now they know what I didn’t know!”

Also, these Ad guys know nothing. They placed my picture in such a way that it covered only the saffron part of the flag which was on the right side and covered only one third of the flag. Granted that I am a right wing leader, but, who will tell these jokers that this is a general election—not a RSS annual meet. I may not subscribe entirely to secularism but what is the need for them to highlight it? Now, that has been set right. In fact, the situation corrected itself when the flag was rotated 90 degrees to make it a horizontal tricolour. I wonder if my Ad guys realize the damage they have caused me by addressing my appeal only to a specific community!

My Ad guys cannot even think up a proper slogan for me. First they came up with: “Strong, Confident and Secure India? It’s possible! Advani for PM.”

Since they put up these advertisements on 2,000-odd sites I have been receiving calls day in and day out.

One caller asked me: Sir, after the demolition of the mosque in Ayodhya, you were among the first ones to go underground for over a week exposing how weak you are. How can you promise to build a strong India?

Another caller said: Advani Saheb your protege Narendra Modi did not even let you campaign for him during the last assembly elections. Then you decided that the best way to teach him a lesson is to just ignore him. You thought he stood no chance of winning anyway.

But, when Narendra won the election with a thumping majority, you were shaken to the marrow of your bones. Then you got Vajpayee to declare you as the PM candidate of the party lest Narendra sets his eyes on the PM’s post. Vajpayee willingly co-operated with you though he is no sympathizer of yours. He had to settle scores with Narendra for not adhering to Raj Dharma when he was the PM. And, the party too stood by you because Narendra had no soft corner in his heart for RSS. Sir, when you are so vulnerable, how can you promise to build a Confident India?

A third caller contended: Sir, during your regime, the most sacred democratic institution, the Indian Parliament was attacked, Indian Airlines flight IC-814 was hijacked and in all of six decades, Pakistan felt that India was the weakest in your term and started the Kargil war. What is your claim to the security of India?

I took up the matter with my Ad guys. “The other two things will have to stay,” they argued. But, we will do something about your confidence. So, they replaced the word “confidence” with “prosperous.” And, the slogan read: “Strong, Prosperous and Secure India.”

Now, I got another call. The caller said: “Yes, I know your party is prosperous. I saw your colleagues waving thousand rupees bundles in the parliament. But, what is your mantra for making India a prosperous nation?” Actually, this didn’t occur to me when I authorized the change.

I could see the whole Ad campaign falling apart. So, I asked for a change of face. But, they have come up with a change of phrase: “Want to see India taller in the world?”

Then I received yet another call. The caller wanted to know: “Are you taking over the Incremin Tonic factory?” I do not know how to deal with it.

I put all my eggs into one basket. I discovered after a lot of research that netizens account for a very small percentage of the entire electorate. I have been taken for a ride! Also, my political advisers did not caution me that if something goes wrong with my campaign on the internet, a lot of thinking people would get to know about it.

While it is a good medium to spread your message, it could boomerang if your election managers goof up your campaign as they have done in my case. I should have known better. These youngsters are a misguided lot. How can they guide us?!