7) Good conflicts should always be targeted at the problem or issue at hand – never the person. Targeting your spouse will only cause him or her to be defensive and resentful and will not likely resolve any issues. For instance, suppose your husband isn’t helping out with housework as much as he should – you should focus the discussion on the issue of housework (time demands, needs, etc.) rather than attacking the husband for watching too much television, etc.

6) Good conflicts require respectful communication about the issues – never any yelling or name calling. Yelling, name calling and such only serve to break down the line of communication. Sure, you might get something off your chest – but is it worth the price? Name calling and yelling is usually more about the person doing it than the conflict.

5) Is the issue “conflict worthy”? This is something you’ll need to think about and decide for yourself. Sometimes little “issues” need to be resolved before they grow into big issues. Other times, you should learn to let things go. This is a balance that’s learned in marriage as you go along but it’s important to be aware of what’s conflict worthy.

4) Conflicts with your spouse require good timing. Obviously, this isn’t always possible, but if you have control over the conflict’s timing – watch for a good time to discuss things. Avoid discussions when one of you is angry, extremely tired, or touchy. In order to have a good conflict you should choose good timing.

3) Keep your conflicts between you and your spouse. If possible, don’t argue in front of other people, kids etc. The chance of you successfully resolving an issue will be much greater if your conflict is in private.

2) Don’t be afraid to initiate the conflict. This doesn’t make you a bad person. Often, in marriage, one of you will be tend to keep things in and the other will be more open. If you’re the spouse who keeps things inside – don’t be afraid to open up and start the conflict. Remember, conflict is a good thing when done properly. Issues are only resolved when conflicts happen.

1) Don’t let the world deceive you, conflict in marriage is a good thing when done properly. Marital issues are usually only resolved through conflicts. Depending on the methods used to resolve these conflicts – tremendous personal growth might be seen in each spouse. Heavy weights and baggage can be lifted, intimacy and passion can be restored and your marriage can be better than ever – providing you and your spouse learn to use these good characteristics in your conflicts.