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Do you have a real friend?
People who make friends easily are successful at their work and love lives.
CAN you think of who you would call in time of difficulty? Is there anyone who would drop all and run to your aid?
For years, an uncle kept this as his golden yardstick of true friendship. As time went on, the number of people he could count in this category dwindled, and today he relies far more on keeping hired help happy with the occasional tip and a lot of pampering. They are far more likely to come to one's aid than friends, who have all grown older and infirm and stay at considerable distances from each other...
What a telling commentary on the times! Think about it - can you seriously think of a few people who you can drop in on without notice? Not long ago, that's how people socialised. They kept an open house and a little extra in the dinner pot, for you never knew who may turn up and stay for dinner.
Do you have a group of friends you share recreational activities with? Someone you can call and pull along for a movie at the last minute? Someone to play a game of tennis with or just someone to go on a long walk with, sharing long talks and confidences...
Do you have friends who have lasted through thick and thin and never changed colour? Someone you can fight and walk off in a huff from, and just wander back next day, as if nothing ever went wrong?
If your answer to most of these questions is "No," you certainly need to re-examine your friendship quotient. Not that just a re-examination would help. Not everyone finds it easy to strike friendships and connect with people.
In any group, there will always be those who socialise easily and strike up conversations, and those who retreat into corners, unable to forge connects or join the flow around them. There are people who attract friends and admirers and then there are those who can't seem to strike up or sustain friendships.
The interesting bit is that the ones who occupy the popular circuits are not necessarily the best looking, most wealthy or most jovial. They just seem to have a manner about them that attracts others. Incidentally they, more often than not, also happen to be people who are most successful in their personal relationships and at their jobs. Why is that so? It does seem that the ability to make friends hints at a skill in human engineering that helps them in other spheres as well. And sure enough, studies have revealed that when people are fired from their jobs, 60 to 80 per cent of the time it is due to social incompetence, and only 20 to 40 per cent due to technical incompetence! And so, it makes sense to say the more social skills you have, the higher your chances of success in your job as well as your love life.
Of course, there are exceptions. A friend, Kavita, has an amazing number of good, fiercely loyal friends at her beck and call. However, on the romantic front, she has had one disaster after the other in the kind of men she has linked up with. In her anguish at her broken relationships, she has invested more than the average person does into her friendships. She takes the initiative in keeping in touch with friends, pulling them out for girlie eves and dropping in to just share a coffee! And of course such efforts have paid dividends.
Can social skills and the ability to make friends be learned? It would seem so. In his book, The Friendship Factor, Dr Alan Loy McGinnis, talks of how Abraham Lincoln was a flop with people in his early years. In fact, when he proposed to Mary Owens in 1837, Lincoln added gloomily, "My opinion is that you had better not do it...", later confessing to a friend, "I can never be satisfied with anyone who would be blockhead enough to have me!" Of course, Owens turned him down! And yet, this man went on to become a master at the art of dealing with people!
It is also popularly believed that those who have lots of friends live longer than lonely souls who choose to go it alone. So, why would anyone want to be without friends?
( This is Downloaded Material from Internet ,orignally written by Vinita Dawra Nangia on 16 Mar 2008, 0932 hrs IST
CAN you think of who you would call in time of difficulty? Is there anyone who would drop all and run to your aid?
For years, an uncle kept this as his golden yardstick of true friendship. As time went on, the number of people he could count in this category dwindled, and today he relies far more on keeping hired help happy with the occasional tip and a lot of pampering. They are far more likely to come to one's aid than friends, who have all grown older and infirm and stay at considerable distances from each other...
What a telling commentary on the times! Think about it - can you seriously think of a few people who you can drop in on without notice? Not long ago, that's how people socialised. They kept an open house and a little extra in the dinner pot, for you never knew who may turn up and stay for dinner.
Do you have a group of friends you share recreational activities with? Someone you can call and pull along for a movie at the last minute? Someone to play a game of tennis with or just someone to go on a long walk with, sharing long talks and confidences...
Do you have friends who have lasted through thick and thin and never changed colour? Someone you can fight and walk off in a huff from, and just wander back next day, as if nothing ever went wrong?
If your answer to most of these questions is "No," you certainly need to re-examine your friendship quotient. Not that just a re-examination would help. Not everyone finds it easy to strike friendships and connect with people.
In any group, there will always be those who socialise easily and strike up conversations, and those who retreat into corners, unable to forge connects or join the flow around them. There are people who attract friends and admirers and then there are those who can't seem to strike up or sustain friendships.
The interesting bit is that the ones who occupy the popular circuits are not necessarily the best looking, most wealthy or most jovial. They just seem to have a manner about them that attracts others. Incidentally they, more often than not, also happen to be people who are most successful in their personal relationships and at their jobs. Why is that so? It does seem that the ability to make friends hints at a skill in human engineering that helps them in other spheres as well. And sure enough, studies have revealed that when people are fired from their jobs, 60 to 80 per cent of the time it is due to social incompetence, and only 20 to 40 per cent due to technical incompetence! And so, it makes sense to say the more social skills you have, the higher your chances of success in your job as well as your love life.
Of course, there are exceptions. A friend, Kavita, has an amazing number of good, fiercely loyal friends at her beck and call. However, on the romantic front, she has had one disaster after the other in the kind of men she has linked up with. In her anguish at her broken relationships, she has invested more than the average person does into her friendships. She takes the initiative in keeping in touch with friends, pulling them out for girlie eves and dropping in to just share a coffee! And of course such efforts have paid dividends.
Can social skills and the ability to make friends be learned? It would seem so. In his book, The Friendship Factor, Dr Alan Loy McGinnis, talks of how Abraham Lincoln was a flop with people in his early years. In fact, when he proposed to Mary Owens in 1837, Lincoln added gloomily, "My opinion is that you had better not do it...", later confessing to a friend, "I can never be satisfied with anyone who would be blockhead enough to have me!" Of course, Owens turned him down! And yet, this man went on to become a master at the art of dealing with people!
It is also popularly believed that those who have lots of friends live longer than lonely souls who choose to go it alone. So, why would anyone want to be without friends?
( This is Downloaded Material from Internet ,orignally written by Vinita Dawra Nangia on 16 Mar 2008, 0932 hrs IST
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