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"Things You Should Never Say To A Woman "- an article taken from IN.com
Women have a tendency of freaking out. Often at you for no rhyme or reason.You say something that you consider totally innocent, or even downright nice, only to find that you've offended or annoyed her.
Men face many problems when it comes to woman. Some are basic and instinctive:
Being attracted to women: Not going to go away. But here's a problem you can solve:
Effective communication: You need to know the phrases that, once introduced to her volatile atmosphere, will result in explosion (or quiet contempt--no picnic either). You need to strike these from your vocabulary.
Xpert warning: Some of these absolute no-no words and phrases seem so incredibly harmless, you may think we're kidding. We're not.
Forbidden Phrase #1: "Relax."
It might seem logical to you to tell a woman who's freaking out to relax. And if "logical" meant the same thing as "stupidest idea ever," you'd be correct. Understand, a woman screaming and crying on in anger or frustration or panic thinks that her response is 100 percent appropriate. If the inciting situation has anything to do with you, she feels she has a responsibility to freak out extra to compensate for your maddening calm.
Forbidden Phrase #2: "I love you."(During a fight)
THE MAGIC WORDS
Men face many problems when it comes to woman. Some are basic and instinctive:
Being attracted to women: Not going to go away. But here's a problem you can solve:
Effective communication: You need to know the phrases that, once introduced to her volatile atmosphere, will result in explosion (or quiet contempt--no picnic either). You need to strike these from your vocabulary.
Xpert warning: Some of these absolute no-no words and phrases seem so incredibly harmless, you may think we're kidding. We're not.
Forbidden Phrase #1: "Relax."
It might seem logical to you to tell a woman who's freaking out to relax. And if "logical" meant the same thing as "stupidest idea ever," you'd be correct. Understand, a woman screaming and crying on in anger or frustration or panic thinks that her response is 100 percent appropriate. If the inciting situation has anything to do with you, she feels she has a responsibility to freak out extra to compensate for your maddening calm.
So
when you tell her to relax, you're implying that your response--i.e.,
nothing--is correct. You're denying that there's a reason to be upset.
You're telling her she's crazy. Women may sometimes feel crazy and joke
about it, but anything smacking of accusations of being crazy will be
far from soothing.
Xperts Say…"I'm
just as upset about this as you are. Let's deal with it together." This
way she knows you're totally sympathetic. This should help her
to...Gawd...relax.
Forbidden Phrase #2: "I love you."(During a fight)
In
movies, "I love you" is usually employed by men during
I-love-you–appropriate situations--lovemaking, walks on the beach,
airport reunions. In real life, a woman hears "I love you" most often
at that point in a fight when she desperately wants to get to the heart
of the issue, and when you desperately want to stop this nonsense and
watch Alias--which you don't normally even watch.
When
you come home shirtless from a bachelor party or forget our birthdays
and stand there in the face of our rage and crushing disappointment, do
you really believe that merely stating the powerful existence of your
love is going to make everything okay? Because it's not.
Xperts Say . . .
1. "[Insert detailed explanation of what you did and why you did it.]"
2. "It won't happen again."
3. "I love you." (It's okay at the end of the apology, just not at the beginning.)
And when you go to a bachelor party, take along an extra shirt.
Forbidden Phrase #3: "It's up to you."
(a.k.a. "Whatever you want to do is fine with me.")
Relationships are
full of decisions. You decide where to eat, where to go on vacation,
where to send your child to preschool. Most men wouldn't dream of
looking at their wife or girlfriend and saying, "You know what? I just
don't care." They would, however, say, "It's up to you." And find
themselves in a world of hurt they never saw coming.
Men
think of decision-making as work without pay. For women, it's like
window-shopping for life's possibilities, and we want you to help us
shop. So when you say, "It's up to you," we feel abandoned.
Xperts Say . . .
"I could definitely do A or B, but I'm not crazy about C. What are you
thinking?" This shows you're listening, suggests you care, and gets you
out of deciding.
Forbidden Phrase #4: "You knew I was this way when you married me."
Well,
the truth is that we didn't. Or we knew deep down, but we were so busy
enjoying our fantasy of you that we chose to ignore what was really
there. It's not your fault. It's just that when we were little, we
spent so much time daydreaming about having the perfect life. Now that
we're actually in grown-up life, we can't turn off our daydreaming
switch.
Telling
a woman, "You knew I was this way when you married me" is like saying
the way your life is right now is the way it's going to be forever and
ever. And that may well be true--in many wonderful and not-so-wonderful
ways. But if she were to accept that, a little part of her would die.
Xperts Say . . . "It frustrates me, too--and I'm working on it." It's a lie. That's okay.
Forbidden Phrase #5: (Nothing)
At
times, you may be afraid of saying the wrong thing. You may think, If I
just keep my mouth shut, I'll be okay. Well, no. Imagine you're
pitching in a baseball game in which there is no hitter, not even a
catcher. You would not enjoy that. Imagine yourself, head hanging,
going to retrieve the ball yourself and, once again, throwing it to no
one. That's how we feel when you don't talk to us.
Xperts Say . . . Anything.
Throw the ball back. Throw it badly. Even risk throwing a wild pitch
and letting her take an extra base. But keep your head in the game.
Go to the next page and learn the magic words that will grant you forgiveness...
THE MAGIC WORDS
3 instant get-out-of-jail-free cards.
When
a woman wants to kill you, you have one thing going for you: Deep down,
a tiny part of her wants you to make her not do it. She just might put
down the apple slicer if you say one of the following sentences.
"Just
tell me everything." I don't think a man has ever actually uttered this
statement, so make history. Here's the thing: Our most violent anger is
often the result of anticipating being forced to shut up. So once we're
told we can give our entire, endless account--no rushing or defending
ourselves--we cool off. Side benefit: We also get a little intimidated.
We think, Is this part important or interesting or relevant? We edit
ourselves.
"You
are just so beautiful." The trick: You must say it as if it's just
occurring to you at the moment, as if her pulchritude were a rainbow
suddenly in your path, the stunningness of which has left you
incapacitated, emotionally stunted, but in a good way. Say it as if you
can remember little else--certainly not whatever irksome matter you
were just discussing. Works well as an alternative to "I love you"--
but, the same way butter makes anything taste better, it's all-purpose.
"Sorry.
It was all my fault." So classic. So hard to say. Because it's never
all your fault, of course--and it's a very rare case in which she
shouldn't also say she's sorry. Everyone likes to save face, especially
men. But truly, there is nothing hotter to a woman than a man who's
willing to admit he was wrong because he just loves her so damn much.
You might feel like you're losing her respect, but unless you're always
the one to apologize (which means you have a crazy lady on your hands),
trust me, you're gaining it.
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