Due to societal and developmental change people moved away from the habitual rural moorings. There is wholesale demolition of joint family system. The younger members moved away from the villages to the towns and cities in search of jobs. Even those who live in the cities are not spared from the general disruption. All the members may not hold jobs in the same city or town. Majority are dispersed all over the country. Many moved away outside the country in different parts of the world, for greener prospect in life. All are on the move; static order of living is no longer in vogue.   It is no longer feasible to remain all the members of the family under one roof. In place of joint family system nuclear family took root – husband, wife and their children, if any. They are absorbed in their own affair and hardly have time and intent to bother for the parents. Exceptions are rare and dwindling -- if at all there.

 We can blame compulsive rogue factors: spread of education and pursuit of career, separating grownup children from the family; improved and swift mode of transport system making mobility easy and affordable; erosion of old social values, breakdown of age-old practice of joint family fostering mutual love and respect between elderly and young; absence of inbuilt sense of responsibility to look after the elders; growth of individualism and selfishness, cult of instant gratification, sexual revolution, intolerance for accommodation of other’s point of view etc. Directly and indirectly globalization fuels the trend inexorably. The explosion of media proliferation aided by advancing technology plays the villain. The end result:  age old tradition of parent-child cordial relation is on the brink of total collapse today. The younger generation is utterly indifferent to the welfare of the elderly parents. Some disturbing facts are showing up to make us sit up and take stock of the situation in this regard. You are familiar with daily sordid reports about harassment of elders on various counts. Now, we are shocked to learn children can go to the extent of killing parents over differences of opinion regarding choice of life partner and property disputes. Caring for the elders is not there in the normal schedule of children. Here is a glimpse of what Shobhaa Dey cited in this connection, “How much longer do I have to wait for this old woman to die…? I need the flat for my own family… There was a sad case of a slain widow, whose son lived in the very next building but had not bothered to visit his mother for over two years; when asked, by the press, he replied indifferently, ‘Senior citizens must learn to look after themselves…. I have my own family to handle’.” * The innuendo is about the mother – supposed to be the most loving and respected member of the family, especially for the son. Such stories are aplenty. It heralds total loss of age-old eastern values.  This is the grim reality today. It’s not the time to lament over the loss and thump the chest. It’s time to be in tune with the changing trend and adapt comfortably. The need of the hour is to change your gear a notch up, and move on.

On the other hand aging population of the world is on the rise, compounding the sufferings of the elderly all the more. It is no more confined to a few developed countries. It is spreading fast to all the areas of the world. India is no exception. Aging is an irreversible natural process breeding a host of other physical problems in its wake. These are the compulsions of the day -- emerging signs of the new age. It puts new demands on the new generation of old people. The twin aspects – disruption of the traditional social order and the increasing longevity – are responsible for generating enormous stress on the individuals and as a corollary to the society as well. The sad fact is that we are caught unprepared. So far, we remained helpless victims of the caprice of nature and social change – surrendering to the onslaught of seemingly inevitable circumstances. It’s time we review our thinking. We are still in the transitional phase – all are not affected equally. But the sign of time is clear – the future doesn’t bode well. The new norms should be something like as follows.

The duty of the parents remains the same: rearing children in the best possible way. But don’t squander every penny for their education; it is no longer to be viewed as investment for old age security. It is your duty to keep enough financial resources for your golden years.  The difference now is to draw a line when the children should be left alone without a notion of any parental bond or obligation. The age may be 16 or 18 or till they are not settled in life. They should be left free to choose any profession or partner – no more parental intervention in their life. Regarding property distribution follow the line of Bill Gates. Leave just sufficient for them, the rest – if you have surplus -- give away in philanthropy. If you don’t have enough, that’s fine too. You gave them education; let them sweat for livelihood in their own way. Everything should be defined clearly, leaving no ambiguity anywhere. Be clear how you are going to pass your time. There are many avenues for that; choose the one that suits you. Your children should be treated just like other members of the society. No special expectations from them. They may visit you as guests and you may reciprocate in the same way.

This is going to be new order of the day. Let us welcome it with open heart. Be warned, failure to adapt to the new norm may multiply your sufferings.

^{* ‘Superstar India -- from incredible to unstoppable’. Penguin. By Shobhaa De  Page 52}