A joke making rounds in the Internet goes: an American impressed by natural beauty and rich cultural heritage of India couldn’t find an Indian in India. He found only  Punjabis, Gujratis, and so on wherever he went.

He was right. Why? Let’s start with me. For the last six decades I reside outside Bengal. I speak in Hindi or English mostly and occasionally in Bengali if I find another Bengali to talk to. I was on my way to Manali. Stopped for a sip by a road side tea stall near Pandoh, in Mandi district of Himachal Pradesh. The boy, hardly about ten, extends his hand,” Here is your tea Dada” How do you know I am a Dada? “I can easily make out” he says, with a grin. Dada means a Bengali, here. (Don’t mix-up with Mumbai ka dada). The boy is from Bihar.

The fish vendor cites his rate as Eksho Taka – it is not coming from the mouth of a Bengali. He is from U.P. The green chilly chap says “besh jhaal” meaning quite pungent. He is from Punjab, stayed for some time in Bengal. Picked up a few words, he finds fun in using them now with a Bengali found outside Bengal.  I sought an appointment,

 in English, with a dentist over the phone, for the first time. “Come at 9 am Dada.” I cannot hide my Bengali accent. I am distinct from others. So is with every other Indian.

Our finance minister Sh. Pranab Mukherjee presented the budget in the parliament. Shobhaa De -- a renowned author and columnist, herself a Bengali -- sarcastically says, she couldn’t follow whether he was talking in Englsih or Greek. His English was so Benglicised. Speeches of our former presidents Sh.R.Venkataraman and Sh.R.K.Narayanan never betrayed their place of origin. Each one so markedly unique, even though they were all speaking in English.  

Leave accent apart and move on to every other thing – language, customs, culture and beliefs – every single entity is a deviant from the mainstream.

Eighteen separate languages enjoy official recognition. Many more lie outside the official ambit of counting.

Hinduism is the dominant religion. But, religious rituals among Hindus vary widely. Ganapati Bappa, Durga Puja and Chhat Puja representing different regions add glitzy variety to the religious canvass. Holi and Diwali – a rage in the north – lack fervour in the south. Rituals of marriage, funeral etc. -- though of the same community -- are not uniform throughout the length and breadth of the country. Same is the case with other religious groups, which are left untouched, for now. Physical features, cuisine, dress, general etiquette, and eating habits – none agrees with one another. Dance forms like Bharatnatyam, Kathakali, Kathak, Manipuri, Bhangra, Dandia  et al are uniquely region specific. Regional festivals like Pongal. Onam. Baisakhi. Lohri, Bihu, and many more augment grandeur to the living diversity that is India.  Climatic zones and natural features too are so varied. So is the case with arts and literature. Strictly speaking, even history is not the same for all the states. What we should call the indigenous people of India – now known as ‘Scheduled Tribe’, leaving aside the ‘Scheduled Caste’-- numbering more than a thousand, populating the entire country? Each tribe is distinctly different from another. In fact, with sovereignty granted, each state fulfills the requirement of a separate nation. There is not a single lowest common factor that binds us as Indian except for the geographical boundary and a faint historical link inherited from the past. Where is the room for feeling like an Indian first?

In such a bewildering diversity it is indeed a wonder that emotionally – still, for some moments at least – we can think as Indian, such as representing the country against West Indies and participating in Olympic Events, or Commonwealth Games, lobbying for a seat in the Security Council and taking part in G-20 gatherings. And, of course, while fighting against the common external enemy at Kargil or Bom-di-la.

Otherwise, like dual citizenship we have dual identity: Marathi or Tamil first, and then Indian. What is the way to reverse the order in our psyche?

Should I add another milligram of spice to my topic? Could Valentine’s Day do that? Next, Halloween is coming. Do you know, some devotees observed Halloween in the capital last year? How long it will need to overtake the entire country?

Now, tell me frankly if you are an Indian first.