Guys, this appeared in Bombay Times today. I have been feeling uncharacteristically lethargic. Let's blame it on the heat. Or maybe I am just missing my daughter Arundhati desperately. I've been watching the news on television but not really connecting. It all sounds depressingly phoney - sanctimonious politicians recycling tired thoughts. The ads are worse. The one I find very offensive shows a little 'chasmis' girl asking her father, " Dad, am I pretty?" He assures her she is. Cut to a classroom where she is being royally ignored - till her Dad drives up in a brand new car, and the little girl's low self- esteem soars skywards!! What are we saying through such communication to our children??? Talk about pushing blatant materialism in these recessionary times. Just awful.

( White ) Ants in my pants….!!

Hritik Roshan deserves an international award for originality! Wow!!What an excuse – white ants. Termites! What’s next? Cockroaches and lizards?? Whether or not his marriage is on the rocks, let’s hand it to him for coming up with an amazing explanation as to why his wife and kids had moved out – but not exactly moved on. Explained the couple, “ Our flat needed treatment for white ants.” So urgent was this treatment that nobody bothered to inform the man of the house, who happened to be overseas and was forced to rush back from a foreign location to deal with the emergency– the ants. The crisis was so critical that he and his worried wife spent the entire night talking about it. By the next morning, the problem had been amicably resolved ( the ants must have co-operated), for the couple to issue a joint statement and claim they were enjoying a ‘picnic’ with the kids and in-laws. The ants were clearly not invited to this happy event. As always, they also had a ‘good laugh’ over the nasty rumours and found them ‘ most funny’ ( zero originality ,here). The family is very much together, and blissfully happy. So there!
Unfortunately, one of the downsides of stardom is the pact you make with the devil (media!). Privacy goes out of the window once you opt for showbiz, and every gesture is scrutinized, like it or not. Deal with it, guys. This is the transaction you make when you voluntarily jump into the fishing bowl. It is no use claiming later that this wasn’t what you’d bargained for. The perverse logic of star arguments is that they want the media to play ball when it suits them and on their terms. Right now, with the on-going multiplex crisis, the main players will make themselves readily available to presswallas and pose happily for cosy pictures (Srk- Aamir), quite forgetting old animosities. Similarly, a complete non-entity called Amrita Arora will provide the most intimate details of her wedding, to friends in the media – and then do a 360 degree turnaround if things go wrong later. Hritik has always been a pretty smart player, staying aloof and doing his thing quietly, while working hard at the ‘perfect family man’ image. Well…. things happen. They can happen to anyone. But nobody is interested in what happens to Mr. and Mrs. Joshi’s marriage. But everybody wants to know what wrecks a celeb –shaadi. Look at the trouble Brad Pitt is in!! I mean, come on…. it’s Brad Pitt. And Jolie is giving the man absolute hell for a whole lot of misdemeanours – like giving the nanny a back massage, and more recently, setting up a lunch date with his ex. Pitt actually gets slapped around and yelled at by Jolie! All this is reported in vivid detail by world media. That’s a star’s life – take it or leave it. Maybe Pitt should call Roshan and get a few tips from him. From white ants to white lies – it’s all a part of the game.

‘Mera Joota Hai Japani…” could soon become the favourite song of protestors across India. There will be many more shoes getting hurled at netas as D-Day draws near. We are a nation of copy cats. Worse, a lot of media mad people have realized the easiest way to make it on national television is to indulge in an outrageous act. Chappal throwing is not new to our culture. Parliamentarians are experts at the sport. But ever since Jarnail Singh hit the headlines with his shoe attack on Chidambaram, an epidemic has followed, with Naveen Jindal being the newest victim. By the time we are done, there will be many more shoe attacks, I guarantee you.In fact, second hand shoe dealers in Chor Bazaar have been stocking up in anticipation of the demand and have reported brisk sales. Perhaps our netas should arm themselves with beach umbrellas to ward off future attacks??

Sachin Tendulkar wearing blue cosmetic lenses? Sporting a trendy, spiked haircut? Wearing a mawali-style checked scarf? And displaying loads of attitude?? Why not, boss?? The entertainment show is about to begin, and anything to grab those eyeballs. I liked the Mumbai Indians’ ad. The team looks menacing. Now let’s hope the performance to follow is equally impressive.With so much money riding on it, the IPL had better provide a big bang for the buck – or else – khallas!!

Please educate me : Why would any political candidate want to be endorsed by a gangster called Arun Gawli?? Any answers??