Elections – Maharashtra-ishtyle - Rakhi for C.M.!!

Maharashtra has a great folk tradition of Tamasha. Just like West Bengal has ‘Jatra. Next month our mahaan state will host one of the biggest tamashas - it’s called the elections. The characters vary, but the mood doesn’t. We’ll watch the build -up, hoping for some newness… change…. dynamism…. sincerity of purpose. But what we are likely to get are the same old ‘paatrey’, in different garb. As of now, various parties are in the process of identifying appropriate candidates. Known Devils are preferred – never mind their credentials. Any ‘face’ will do – winners of reality shows, small- time tv stars, failed singers, has- been Bollywood actors, koi bhi chalega! But if you ask me, the real coup will be to rope in Rakhi Sawant – not as a campaigner but a candidate. I’d like to see her perform her inimitable ‘nautanki’ as she goes from taluka to taluka asking for votes. Rakhi is as Maharashtrian as vada pav and equally yummy. I think she’d make a great chief minister. Don’t laugh! The woman has guts, is practical and can communicate with the masses. She doesn’t take ‘no’ for an answer, and remains undaunted at all times. Since the present guy (Ashok Chavan) is largely invisible anyway, Maharashtra could do with a high visibility, phataka of a C.M. who bonds with the best and comes up with highly original one liners ( “jo dikhta hai wo bikta hai” ) . With Rakhi at the helm of affairs, there will be photo-ops by the micro-second, and with some luck, maybe a wardrobe malfunction or two. Policy matters?? Oh come on, when was the last time anybody in Maharashtra was concerned about such basics… such mundanities? Rakhi can hire the creative directors of her ‘Swayamwar’ show to provide a daily briefing ( and de-briefing). She is unbeatable when it comes to dialogue-maaro-ing. Her hand- picked cabinet can feature all those guys who were vying for her hand in the top-rated tv show, but didn’t make the final cut. Her current fiancé, the man from Canada ( what’s his face?), could open up trade channels with his country if given the Industries portfolio. The other beefy types could handle Sports, Law and Order, Social Welfare(especially, women’s issues), Labour, Education ( liberal arts, in particular) . Finance will stay with Rakhi herself, since she has done a pretty good job of climbing to the top of the heap from a lowly, humble start. Her OTT dress designer could easily handle Home Affairs ( ha!). This is going to be fun. I’m lovin’ it!! What a fantastic future awaits Maharashtra…. Rakhi could persuade those poor farmers in Vidharba not to commit suicide with just a personal visit and a few jhataks - mataks … to say nothing about fake promises of better times to come. Our broke State could do with some serious morale boosting and a pumping up of low ratings, with Rakhi sitting on the main ‘gaadi’ in Mantralaya. She is hot, ripe and ready for the role … err… job. Now if only some smart political party is clever enough to rope her in. Raj? Uddhav?? Go for it, guys. Think out of the box. Forget the usual suspects. The public is bored to death with the same, thakela candidates. Besides, look at it this way – who but a Rakhi Sawant can take on a Mayawati in our backyard? Behenji’s formidable financial assets are known to all….. but what are those when compared to Rakhi’s phenomenal assets? Asli or nakli – it hardly matters these days. Remember – jo dikhta hai, who bikta hai. Kyon, Rakhi??

Have been receiving the funniest emails after this appeared in Bombay Times today. Prasad Bidapa, one of my wittiest friends, has a few superlative suggestions for a Rakhi ka Swayamwar' sequel. He has suggested 'Rakhi Ki Suhaagraat'. He added cheekily, " To participate,contact NDTV IMAGINE. Hurry!! Limited beds."

I saw 'Chintuji' this evening, and found it the sweetest film. Innocent, simple, entertaining and pertinent. Rishi Kapoor, I read somewhere, was miffed with the producers about the lack of promotion. And rightly so. 'Chintuji' is a far more worthy effort than most of the ridiculously hyped films that are generously given 3 and 4 stars by the easy-to-impress critics. It has originality , for one. And a pretty neat script. The performances are passable, but never cringe- making. And the crazy song with a list of internationally renowned directors ( Kurosawa, Truffaut, de Sica to Satyajit Ray) is just so clever! The silly love story that forms the parallel track was entirely unnecessary. It is Rishi Kapoor's film all the way - and just as well. He is one of our most competent actors and it is good to see him in a full -fledged role - spoofing himself ! What can be cuter than that??