Maybe it's a significant other, friend, or other person you regularly see but are unsure if it's for the right reasons. If you feel that this applies to you, here are some steps for figuring out whether or not you genuinely like spending time with this person or only do so because you don't want to be lonely.

Steps

1. Question your initial motives for choosing to know this person. Maybe you genuinely were interested in this person's qualities or had something in common with them when you first met. On the other hand, maybe you felt you should be nice to them just because your other friends liked them or you felt sorry for them. Think of as many different reasons as you can, as this will be a helpful factor in deciding how you truly feel towards this person.

2. Consider how you usually feel in this person's company. Think about what you personally gain from the experience of spending time with this person. Do you get bored? Anxious? Uncomfortable? On the other hand perhaps you often feel happy, cheerful, loving or warm when with them. You might remember that you've had many enjoyable times with this person or that you can't remember the last time you had any positive feelings around them - if ever. Take some time to think through as many different memories as you can to help with this.

3. Give yourself some space. Doing this could prove to be hard if you really dislike being alone. But it's possible it'll give you a clearer perspective on whether or not it's purely loneliness motivating you to keep up communications with this person. Try it for at least 2 weeks, as this will help you figure out whether or not you really miss them, or just the things you get out of being with them that prevent you from feeling alone.

4. Ask yourself if your expectations for the relationship are too high. It might not be that you actually detest this person or their company. It could be that you even like them pretty well, but that there's habits or personality traits of theirs that you find it hard to relate to which means you're just not all that close. It could be they're an introvert while you're an extrovert. Or maybe their interests don't co-incide that much with yours. If you are thinking by this point "yes, that's exactly it!" then this is likely to be a sign that you'd benefit by spending more time with other people - as well as still some time with this person - rather than a sign you dislike this person and only spend time with them to avoid being alone.

5. Expose yourself to as many other people as you feel you can. Spending time with others might give you a better idea of the kinds of people you prefer to know. It might also help give you an idea of whether or not the person you spend a lot of time with fits into this category. Trying out this step doesn't necessarily have to mean spending time with family or close friends (though these things do help). Just saying a cheerful hi/making small talk with a few acquaintances (whether it be a shop assistant, colleague, or someone you regularly pass in the street) can be a start.

6. Monitor your ongoing thoughts and emotions. Another approach you can use is by making plans to do something with this person and follow through with it - all the while monitoring your automatic thoughts and emotional reactions. If prior to and during this time you find your head is full of negative thoughts such as "This is going to be awful," or "I wish I had something nicer/more interesting/better to do," or you experience strong negative emotions such as dread, disgust, boredom etc then these are likely warnings you don't truly like/appreciate this person

Tips

If you feel after trying these steps that you truly don't like this person, and only see them to avoid being alone, consider ending the relationship and finding other people/activities to fill your time. This will be fairer on you and her/him.

Warnings

Deciding to end the relationship is likely to result in a negative reaction. If you end the relationship, but later decide you did really like this person it could be a hard - or even impossible - task to persuade them to like or trust you again.

Things You'll Need

1. A reasonably good memory

2. Time to self reflect

3. A few people - other than the person you aren't sure about - to communicate with.