There are no sounds tonight ! The weddings and parties are over it seems ! Its quiet as I sit down to push some thoughts today. I had regretted the decibels because they prevented thought processes. As one writes one likes to hear himself speak as it were, to himself. When one is denied that important privilege, it robs one of the essence of that content. Most of the times. Some had disagreed with this concept earlier, quoting the Russian Hamlet and the famous soliloquy, ‘to be or not to be …’  done most dramatically in the middle of a crowded palace hall amidst a celebration. I think if one can drown all external sounds with the power of their own silence, then perhaps the will required, would make all else pale in comparison. The problem with my little balcony and the open window is not quite the sound of the sound. It is the familiarity with the sound that sounds. The sounds are all film favorites. And instead of ignoring them, half your brain begins to sing along with them, to wait for that well known refrain, that particular riff in the sound track, the artists involved in the sequence and myriad other components which take your memory back to your own association with the tune. For a person like me then, its either I sing along with the song, or singe the laptop with my words for the day. Invariably the song wins and which is why it is a blessing, when writing, that nothing other than that is allowed to function in the environment.

I am afraid this complexity has been the main cause for my inconsistent blog - disconnected internet and all ! My brain is not quite as brave as some of the others that can handle such aberrations in their routines.

So this evening after the shoot was over we had a press conference. There, right in the middle of the sets - a long standing promise by the production to the media. They were most dignified and disciplined, calm and expressing great rectitude. The questions were mainly addressed by the director, Prakash Jha and primarily because they pertained to the reason on the making of this subject. I do believe it went of well and satisfactorily, both for them and us !

Press meets and conferences are fearsome experiences. Its akin to being in a war zone, right up at the front, facing the various explosive destructibles as might be. And while you contend with one missile, you are immediately made aware of the mines that you are about to tread on. And no matter how much protection gear you may be covering yourself up with, or taking shelter behind large ominous looking tanks, one or other of the combustibles shall always get you. Its an art that some have mastered with great aplomb. I am, unfortunately, an absolute novice at such encounters. And every meet is a learning graph for me, as I am sure it is for many others that face this ordeal every other day.

They may say .. ‘ just a small question, sir ..!’. But it is never small. No question in a media meet is ever small. And never ever fall victim to the … ‘ and one last question sir ..! Beware, it may or may not be the last, but it shall most surely be the Scud ! And now with the electronic present at every juncture, it has become an exercise in self appraisal before you leave home. ‘What is the controversial stuff they could put across to me ..?’, ‘did my last response on the subject tally with the one i gave ?’, it better do or else i shall be giving clarifications till kingdom come ..’, ‘ what was i wearing the last time i stepped out in front of the media ?, ‘better change or else, there shall be another story constructed around it ..!’ and so on … and on and on ….

Its an added professional activity. So apart from knowing your film and character and its mood, there is a parallel class that runs along challenging your acumen on matters that you should really not be taking much notice of. But such is the attraction and the lure of the media, that one dare not ignore …

As my friend and colleague Shashi ji would often say - ‘Inki na zyaada dosti achhi, na dushmani’ … you cannot make them too close a friend or too strong an enemy. Striking a balance then is the guru mantra of such … and there shall never be one single example or rule to follow. They are each exceptional, learned and with the greatest ability to face any onslaught, individuals. Their comradeship is beyond all bonding. Touch a journalist in KanyaKumari and be ready to cop it the very minute from one in Himachal Pradesh ! Their’s is a unity to envy, to emulate and to aspire for. This is a fact, no matter how much we may tend to dislike many other aspects of their work.

Time now to open that window towards the balcony, to switch on the table fan at some distance, to devour my medication and catch the latest dream !

Amitabh Bachchan