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Talk At OR Talk to - how are we communicating.
My cousin was relating how her daughter, an engineering student wanted something explained by her engineer father. As expected, father and daughter ended at loggerheads - each convinced the other is just not 'with it'.
What happened? The daughter is a topper and obviously bright enough to cope with engineering studies and the father manages probably 100+ employees or more - then how come such a situation developed.
Let me tell you in the words my cousin did - "R asked about xyz and Dad explained about wxyz" (I am using xyz & wxyz to show that the father explained the broader concept of the topic) Daughter had understood the wxyz - she wanted a deeper understanding of xyz. So she asked again"But dad I want to know about why xyz...." adding a couple of words to the original question. Dad explains about wxyz again using almost the same word as before. Daughter still is not satisfied as her specific question has not been answered - she doesn't want the general wxyz - she wants the specific xyz. So another round of "but Dad......". By then dad has reached the end of his patience. This time the same explanation - with almost the same words once again, is repeated in a louder voice. Daughter is desperate by now - she is preparing for her semester exam - so she asks again.
As you can guess by now the same explanation comes once again in an even louder voice.
By now the daughter is almost in tears and the dad is mumbling something about how she hopes to do well if she can not do this one thing.
This is a situation most of us have experienced at some time or other - be it with our teachers, parents or boss. Obviously this is serious mis-communication and the reason it happens is that often people do hot hear all the words spoken by others. Once they register the gist or main point of a question, the rest becomes a blur. On the other side the speaker also probably isn't savvy enough to change the words to catch the attention in a different way if the first one doesn't work.
Instead of talking to each other they end up talking at each other - no longer aware that they are on different planes or pages.
Communication can be simple or complicated depending on how much of the participants' attentions are engaged. Distractions and pressures exist at all times and therefore communication suffers.
A simple way to escape getting caught in repeating the same things again and again is to repeat or paraphrase the question. This simple step ensures that we don't entirely miss each others' point in a conversation. When we repeat a question it automatically registers the requirement into our brain and if we happen not to have got it the first time, it tells the other person that they better clarify the question if they hope to get the correct answer.
Effective communication requires total attention if only for a short span. With life so full and hectic, crossed wires are common and cause friction in daily lives. A little effort is all it takes to change from 'Talking at' people to 'Talking to' people - a little effort that brings untold returns.
What happened? The daughter is a topper and obviously bright enough to cope with engineering studies and the father manages probably 100+ employees or more - then how come such a situation developed.
Let me tell you in the words my cousin did - "R asked about xyz and Dad explained about wxyz" (I am using xyz & wxyz to show that the father explained the broader concept of the topic) Daughter had understood the wxyz - she wanted a deeper understanding of xyz. So she asked again"But dad I want to know about why xyz...." adding a couple of words to the original question. Dad explains about wxyz again using almost the same word as before. Daughter still is not satisfied as her specific question has not been answered - she doesn't want the general wxyz - she wants the specific xyz. So another round of "but Dad......". By then dad has reached the end of his patience. This time the same explanation - with almost the same words once again, is repeated in a louder voice. Daughter is desperate by now - she is preparing for her semester exam - so she asks again.
As you can guess by now the same explanation comes once again in an even louder voice.
By now the daughter is almost in tears and the dad is mumbling something about how she hopes to do well if she can not do this one thing.
This is a situation most of us have experienced at some time or other - be it with our teachers, parents or boss. Obviously this is serious mis-communication and the reason it happens is that often people do hot hear all the words spoken by others. Once they register the gist or main point of a question, the rest becomes a blur. On the other side the speaker also probably isn't savvy enough to change the words to catch the attention in a different way if the first one doesn't work.
Instead of talking to each other they end up talking at each other - no longer aware that they are on different planes or pages.
Communication can be simple or complicated depending on how much of the participants' attentions are engaged. Distractions and pressures exist at all times and therefore communication suffers.
A simple way to escape getting caught in repeating the same things again and again is to repeat or paraphrase the question. This simple step ensures that we don't entirely miss each others' point in a conversation. When we repeat a question it automatically registers the requirement into our brain and if we happen not to have got it the first time, it tells the other person that they better clarify the question if they hope to get the correct answer.
Effective communication requires total attention if only for a short span. With life so full and hectic, crossed wires are common and cause friction in daily lives. A little effort is all it takes to change from 'Talking at' people to 'Talking to' people - a little effort that brings untold returns.
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