It's been over two years I had a kidney-stone attack. It was my worst nightmare which came true all of a sudden. It still shivers me, when I think of the early morning drama, through which I had gone. It's really painful and those of you had undergone the pain know how urgent it is to subside the pain. But even after two years, the memories of those horrible times still awake me in morning and scare me a lot. This is what happened last night.

It was 4:45am in morning. I woke up all of a sudden from slumber. There's no one around. Suddenly a fearful thought struck to my mind. It was about my earlier kidney stone attack. It started at same time and took almost an hour to subside to bearable level. I became so nervous with the thought of earlier attack that I woke up and got off the bed. Imagine! How weird it was. I was sleeping peacefully and all of a sudden I woke and got off the bed because it was 4:45amin morning and at the same time, two years back I had a kidney stone attack.The next thing, I did was search of pain-killers. I couldn't find one. I searched through all familiar places and bags, but couldn’t find single one. I started feeling miserable. Suddenly, I imagined what if, a kidney stone attack struck me again right now? Where shall I go from here in chilly winter morning? Apollo is nearby but who will take me to hospital? Why didn't I keep a pain-killer with me? How fool I am! So on and on....

I was feeling helpless. I thought of going out and buy a pain killer. I drank some water as my throat was running dry. I sat on bad looking at room heater.It was 5:30 in morning. Nothing went wrong and there was no pain. But memory of earlier pain was making me painful. It struck me at 5, and now its5:30. Have I survived the attack? How come? I started feeling bit easy. Some tension was relived.

I slept thinking that somehow I will manage this time, but I should buy a painkiller in morning. It just helps. And after spending almost an hour in state of misery I fell asleep. God's grace!

But now, as I look back at the incident, I feel the pain remained with me all the time. It never left me. I still carry the pain, although not physical, but mental. Perhaps, bad memories remain longer with you and my kidney stone attack was one such memory. I wish I could forget all. The thought of sudden kidney-stone attack makes me helpless. Even the memories of it create havoc. It makes me paranoid and even small pain in stomach forces me to think of my earlier attack. Perhaps, I may never face the attack again, who knows? But sometimes even after curing the diseases, the bad memories of the time we had undergone during deceased state scares us a lot. It still tells us how helpless you were. And perhaps that's the reason , I still wake up in morning and search a pain-killer, even though there’s no pain. Sometimes diseases become mental block and getting rid off it needs no medicine but positive attitude and willingness to come out of it.

I wish, I could show more determination next time, when fear struck me again!