The first day of every new film has always been unique. The people, the sets, the location, the director and co stars, assistants, production team, all go to make the occasion somewhat frightful. There is, added to this the other worry of getting the character right on the first day. There is the consciousness of working in an environment where getting your lines right at first instant is mandatory - at least for the artist, or at least for me. Its a ‘thing’, you might say. Dispelling any fears that you carry, or the embarrassment of fouling up your dialogue in front of a large contingent of people that you do not know, is frightening. Its like when we shoot outdoors and you have a complicated dance step to do, or a large dialogue to give, the endeavor is that you get it right the first go, and not commit too many retakes. Its almost like a test. A performance on stage where mistakes are not allowed, because there is a live audience watching you.

Happily and my the grace of Him or Her that looks over us, all went well. There were not many mistakes, and the unit and the co artists gradually warmed up to the circumstances. Saif with his changed look and Deepika with her lithe body and presence were there, all connected as were the others with me today. Tanvi who plays my wife, Saurabh Shukla and may students trained locally for their part through workshops, and doing rather well.

The city is pretty, is Bhopal. Gentle winds blow across the lake. There is a whiff of winter still percolating through the slopes of the terrain that surrounds the land, and the people are polite, quiet and most hospitable. The location though sealed off has been acquired by Prakash Jha and the sets and the production is well organized, neat and efficient. In all, a sense of good planning and a great amount of effort gone into proper management. Elements that would make most artists happy. They do, me. An efficient set up, sets the pace of the work that is going to be extracted and for me particularly, the work environment when conducted well creates an atmosphere where good work follows. Hopefully that shall fructify.

As we wrapped for the evening I rushed up to my Hotel room to catch a wondrous setting sun, just beyond my rather generous balcony. Unfortunately my photographic skills are somewhat weak and all I could gather was an obscure looking distant object, also known as Shri Surya, and a vast balcony. I mean who wants to see a balcony ! So another missed opportunity. Perhaps tomorrow. That is, provided we do not shoot late !

I may be speaking out of turn here, but there is something about this city of Bhopal that is becoming quite endearing. I know it is very early days - I have been here just a day - and forming an opinion may be premature. But first instincts are at times very lasting. I hope mine retain that quality. I know my director has been praising the locale much ; he having shot the entire film ‘Rajneeti’ here as well.

He sent me a text message late in the evening after we packed up today, which was embarrassingly complimentary, so obviously it will never find its way to the post of this blog. But I am touched by its immediacy and content. There are times in the life of a person when they forget to realize what they actually are in the eyes of the others. At times we grope in the dark to understand ourselves, to know or be able to assess who or what we are. How does one do that ? How do we ‘know who we are’ ? I read many instances of the great philosophies which pointedly preach this very mantra - ‘know thyself’ !

Ok ! Well said and spoken and chartered out to the mass of humanity. But how about telling us how to go about doing or achieving it ! Do the escapades, the religious penance that we hear of from the saints and near celestial bodies, set examples for us to indulge in similar vein. Can this not be achieved or attained down here, in my little room in Bhopal or my garden in Prateeksha. Must I go the distance to the snow clad Himalayas. Perhaps to find an isolated cave and sit there within myself and search, in the silence, the deafening silence, who we are ? I wonder !

And why is it that when we talk of attainment, of reaching a mental scale that supposedly connects man with the Almighty, do we acquire it in the highest altitudes, or the densest forests, or the vast forlorn deserts ? Is it by design that we need to get away from all affectations of humanity and life ? Or, as a stricture on us, of not having in our immediate presence any semblance of existence. So … go to a place where there is no existence, to search how to exist ??!!! Somewhat incongruous do you not think !

I could if I needed to search myself, be surrounded much like the Russian Hamlet, by routine and normality. In the middle of everything yet not in at all. But I guess these are all personal choices. ‘Nirvana’ is achievable. Here in the streets or up there in the mountains. Depends which route one would like to take. Though history tells us, that those that took the snow clad mountainous path, were looked upon with greater reverence.

Hence …

Reverence - snow, mountains, cave. And not so reverent a locale like a city or room, reverence still, but perhaps with not so much worship. We have here among us, on earth, in our daily lives, the Popes and the Saints and God men of the universe, who are exalted and pious and serve as messengers of God, and who I believe attained their religious sanctity and following without the ‘travel’, so to say. And they have the most dedicated followers on who’s belief they function and prosper. God be with them and with those that are devoted to them !! The effort though, of ‘knowing thyself’ still prevails ! So help me God !  …… did I just say that ??!!!

Its awfully quiet in the room, as we cross over past midnight, into the 26th of January 2011, India’s Republic Day. A dull sound of bands playing in the distance at a wedding, wafting through the netted windows of the room. Some of them old numbers from my films ! The odd firecracker going off signally either the arrival of the groom to wed the girl, or the completion of the solemnization of the sacred vows. It is the wedding season in these parts of India, or indeed all over the country.

Weddings !!

Every time we would see celebrations of a ‘baraat’ in procession, we would joke - ‘ek aur phansa’ ! And we still joke about it. The song too in film, in ‘Raavan’ - ‘phansa, phansa bechara ..! speaks and dances on the similar theme !!

Hmmmmmmm ….!!!

Love to all ,

Amitabh Bachchan