Sleep deprived, red eyed, ebbing energy levels, head nodding off at the slightest provocation of ease … but say those magic words ‘action’ and it all mysteriously disappears. From what depths or corners comes that desire to perform despite the lack of physical will, I know not. Such is life then and such the profession that I attach myself to, that all else seems unworthy of attention or care. And surprisingly all goes well in front of the camera too - much more comfortable than some of the earlier days. With time I would imagine, all those rough ends get straitened out. Washed dried and smooth ironed into a neat clean appearance. There was comfort in the portrayals, ease of delivery, understanding of the written word and a presence of the shades required in the character under portrayal.

I seem to have stumbled upon a theory on this, all built around my own incapacity and difficulties that I faced on some of the earlier days on set. I think it is important and perhaps helpful in small measure to observe the director at work and during off work. The way he behaves, talks, moves, speaks give indication I believe in the manner in which he wishes his characters to behave and act or then enact. The written word is in the true sense his thoughts, his ideas and conjectures. If for some reason, and it is most true in this case, he were also to be the dialogue writer of the film, then understanding what and how he would want his artists to behave would make my theory even more valid. And I think it has been most helpful watching Prakash Jha conduct himself on set and outside it. That then is the source of my theoretic observation. And I have found that when that particular aspect has been duly followed, there is a simplicity in the work that you do.

Today’s work for example also had a few tricky situations of understanding and comment. But having followed how the director wanted them, eased the output a great deal. There were no retakes today. Or to put it in correct perspective, hardly any that I was involved in. I would credit that not so much to the fact that I was doing my lines well enough. Instead I would say that I was doing my lines in a manner in which the director thought it was well enough. We as actors have liberty to play around with words and performances. It is but the desired effect of the maker that finally prints the take.

I had starved myself for days on end, lived in the thought of misery and death before reporting for the final scene of Rajesh Khanna’s death in ‘Anand’. And when asked to approach his bed pushing him to speak even after he was gone, I had burst out into all the pent up emotion and boil that had festered inside me for those many days of preparation. But that was not what Hrishikesh Mukherjee wanted. He desired a more controlled yet emtional outburst. I had to reduce all that I had spent in the first take, by almost 1000 %, and that was what remained. And to my utter horror I discovered that it had taken me merely a few seconds, to build it ! What a waste of method preparation, personal agony and toil to create something that really never required any of that.

Learn the lines yes. Listen to the lines of the other that speaks to you. Understand the situation, feel it and then and only then open your mouth. And I have discovered that it all falls into place. I still have not been able to put my finger on what it is, what technology, what human configuration triggers within the mind in those few seconds, when the clap moves away from the face during the shooting of a scene, and the command of the director to act asserts itself, and your voice and actions take over. This is a mystery. A mystery that I have shared with many of my colleagues and they have come out with the same answer ; they have no idea what takes over our systems during that period ! But … whatever it is, I do hope that it continues to behave itself for a few more projects that I have signed on for and remains within me !!

The events in Egypt continue to get more intense and I do pray for all my EF in the region to be safe and in peace. I also hope and pray that none of our Russian EF suffered due to the tragedy at Moscow airport during the explosion. May peace and goodness prevail and may there be stability and a quick return to normalcy.

I shoot within a College campus for the next few days. And today was there as well. I must admit I was quite surprised and impressed by the discipline and order maintained by the college fraternity, young students and staff during the course of our work - a true example of what one wishes would be the atmosphere throughout our stay. I understand now the meaning of Prakash Jha, choosing this city of Bhopal to work. It has been the ease and comfort provided by the establishment and the people of this wonderful city that has made him want to keep coming here again and again.

Thank you Bhopal ! You have succeeded in impressing your ‘jamai’ quite sufficiently !

Time to rest my weary bones. Time to shut out the nightmare of an unproductive day. Time to close my ears to the varied bands that play close by heralding a wedding in progress. The drums are constant, but the electronic piano plays on with all the twisted prominent tunes of the day - ‘Munni badnam ..’, ‘Sheila’s javaani ..’ ‘Yamla Pagla Diwana ..’ and after a very long stint of these, the odd old numbers of some of mine as well - ‘Khaike Paan …’ and ‘Apni toh jaise taise …’

And yet another one ” PHANSI ” !!  Happy ladies ??!!

Love you ~

Amitabh Bachchan