An unfortunate development though, has given us another day off, tomorrow. The father of our DOP, PC Sreeram, passed away today and he needs to go back to Chennai. I called and expressed my condolences to him. He was more concerned on the cancellation of the shooting and said he would be back in a day. I did not call him to find out about that. Production can wait. Personal tragedies do occur and we must show respect to the situation. Films will be made and continue to be made, but PC will not see his father again.

PC Sreeram the father of all DOP’s in the country. The one who discovered and encouraged Mani Ratnam. The one under whom some of the greatest DOP’s of present times have trained and worked - Santosh Sivan, Rajeev Menon, Ravi Chandran and on.. A gentle giant. But when he loses it, you do not want to be anywhere near him.

But the day was otherwise spent in meetings upon meetings upon meetings. Producers and prospective directors with story ideas of great relevance and novelty. Of casts and crew of excellence and sufficient substance. Of bringing stars from other parts of the world and adjusting them in Indian set ups. Muzzaffar Ali and PVR films and Pritish Nandy. A prominent corporate wishes to celebrate my 40 years in the Industry and unfolds an elaborate plan. It is embarrassing for me to even think the way they do. It is like a self promotion. Of talking about yourself with a great amount of ‘I’ ‘me’ ‘myselfs’ thrown in. I am uncomfortable doing that, or even permitting someone to perceive what it all could be. The initial working of such a program has been approved upon. In the end due to the pressure of relationships, I shall perforce have to succumb. And that is the crux. How does one say ’no’ to enthusiasm.

The course of the day also brings me up with the following -

Ladies and gentleman of the exalted EF… not a single word of the above article is true. A complete fabrication of thought word and deed. The calibre of the journal showeth. Or is this the calibre of its newly appointed ‘hack’ recently sacked ( notice the rhyming ) from the entertainment editorial of a prestigious news paper. And if he is not careful of his inputs that he provides, as above, he shall be on his way for another sack !! May the Lord save this ‘begum’.

And here is justification of how much the strength of the media exists within itself.

By the late evening today, I receive sms from Upala, of MidDay -

‘Hi Mr Bachchan. Read a report in asian age 2 day wch i wantd 2 chk wth u. Is it true dat ur getting xtremely physically fit and learning kickboxing fr mr vinod chopras film the talisman ? Upala

ha.. ha ha… perhaps dear Upala has short memory, amnesia or a very strong bout of high expectations. I think she has calmly forgotten her tryst with destiny a short while away, when her paper distorted an entire story on the topic of my ownership of a TV channel named India 24/7. And despite me diligently denying that episode, how blatantly the piece was highlighted, where 99.99912345 per cent of the story under bold headlined print, was about the launch of this new TV Channel, carrying so called authenticated information from ’sources’ on its validity. The last, miniscule insignificant and generally unreadable reference to my denial as ‘rubbish’ was carried almost as a forgotten postscript in the closing line of the article !

Does she really believe that she shall be able to elicit a response from me for the above query. And no matter how many times the editor/owners of the paper may come over for a cup of tea and assurance to my office and no matter how genuine they may sound in comforting us that all is well and that such incidents shall never happen again, the fact is that the leopard never changes the spots on its skin. Once an Upala, always an Upala and damn the past…

Anyway to more mundane thoughts and thoughts of how my time shall be adjusted in the coming months, when every project that is brought to me is getting my acceptance. I think it comes from a deep sense of insecurity. Of fear of failure. Of the uncertainty. Of an extremely pessimistic attitude that rejection and disqualification is just around the corner.

The year has seen me complete Teen Patti, Johnny Mastana, Aladin and Rann. PAA is on the floor and into its last few days. It completes shooting by end June. All the new projects start soon after in July - Ravi Chopra and PocketMaar, Sanjay Leela Bhansali and Chenab Gandhi, Feroz Nadiadwala and his project with Prakash Jha and another with the renowned Hollywood Director for Jewel of India, a ‘Daddu Tum’ with Samar Khan, Adrenalin with Muzzaffar Ali, Diamond Bob with PVR, the Actor with Pritish Nandy, 23 scripts lying for consideration, 2 TV shows, the Hanuman Chalisa rendition by Aadesh Srivastava and myself, the Gita of my Father in the language of the Ramayana to be sung and recorded, the audio blog with BigAdda on the verge of contract signing, the Unforgettable tour to other nations in the East and South of the hemisphere and within our own India… and on …

And here we have the nondescript Mr Virendra Kapoor, a self proclaimed, unabashed anti Bachchan hack with this -

Mr Kapoor, now wishing to conduct the motives of my existence by a) giving completely erroneous information on my work culture and b) cleverly filling in an entire column under his by line, by content, that belongs to me - my letter to Mr Jug Suraiya !! And then seek to get paid for it !! Ha ..ha.. whoever said that journalism was an unbiased, truthful profession, where belief, conscience and integrity rode above every other human frailty..

The only justified portion of the article was its title !!!

My own frailty now triggers my being… my painful neck and shoulder from excessive strain of computerization and incessant prosthetics, turns to the clock and discovers, much to the dismay of concerned EF, that it is past the hour of any kind of redemption… IT IS 3:21 AM ON WEDNESDAY THE 27TH OF MAY 2009.

Its the time to… DISCO !!??!

Love to all… in what ever shape or condition you are in…

Amitabh Bachchan