The spasm returns to the right shoulder blade and it is excruciating ! Pain has the ability to destroy the mind and the being. You may be exalted in position, overjoyed at success, happy at company, but were you to be in pain it would rob you you of all accomplishments.

If the body cannot respond to the joys of nature and mind, it is best not to have a body at all. I feel a bit despondent and tempted towards the latter. When all else around you buzzes with activity and achievement, when the mind is ready to soar involuntarily, when it lovingly coaxes you into acts of creative ingenious levels and you discover that there is no ‘body’ to acknowledge it, then it is that you want to disassociate yourself with all else and succumb to the misery that has been implanted upon you.

Artists lives are full of such painful episodes. You could be in the poorest of health but in the eyes of an admiring mass you would need to put on that brave and positive face. A face that defies defeat and dishonor, pain and misery, distress and discomfort. Ever tried to smile continuously in grievous pain, ever never failed to wave back at an ecstatic fan irrespective of the state of the mind ? We are a tribe that get subjected to such odds in our lives. We are a tribe that shall be pulled up and over for an act that does not suit the convenience of the other. We are a tribe that are expected to be more than a hundred percent in more than one occasion, despite handicaps. We are a tribe that when you resist or complain, status, position and wealth shall be thrown about you. Oh.. you are a public figure, a person of immense patronage from the masses, this is what comes in your territory and you had better not complain about it.

But just because we are in public domain are we devoid of emotion and feeling ? Will every act of ours be leveled in such manner ? When are we supposed to be treated like other normal humans ? Or do we not deserve to be ? Who then will ascertain what we ought to be ? Why should an ‘other’ ascertain what we need to be ? And if for arguments sake we consider this to be applicable, who’s judgement shall we adopt ? Yours or yours or yours ? There are so many of you !!!

I have many thoughts on this, but now my hand prevents me from any further activity. I must lie down and rest and get to a doctor for treatment …

My love for you is unabated … though somewhat marred with my condition at present …

No .. I do not expect sympathy or anxiety over what I am .. that would pain me more. Resist and desist then, till I am in your midst again ..

Amitabh Bachchan