I move about today in a delirium almost. Not knowing what to do, where to go and what to say. And an unused body demands that I be involved in something … anything !! I think an active body will initiate an active mind. I must therefore work, be occupied. Many things get a life when we get a life. It would be a sacrilege to ignore them. Strong thoughts that must be put to use.

As I sit and contemplate this morning of days gone by, of issues and moments gone astray, one feels a sense of ‘not wanting to do anything’. This is not a healthy state. If we do not move others will move us.

My decisions on forthcoming projects shall have to be pushed back. Indecision rules and contemplates what must be done. Heh !! How about acting, and Hamlet comes to mind. A fair and soft tale from any quarter shall always be the yardstick. So welcome it, even though the eyes shut.

Its Delhi tomorrow for the press meets on RANN - a million interviews and discussions. A slightly severe winter condition prevails up north and there are several who wish to be happy in such climes, particularly those that live in the northern parts of our hemisphere. So a quick in and out and back in Mumbai by evening.

I sit at the key board piano by the evening. I do not know how it is supposed to play, but something emanates. It is melancholic and sad. Interruptions for meets destroy the beauty of the right chord in the right place, but I persist. Ironically they are there to discuss how they could ideate on my `father’s’ works. I shall revert. Do I exceed my limits on the continuous ‘i shall revert’ matter. Bear with me. I do not remain in a stable condition. The mind wanders and about.

Perhaps tomorrow will be another day full of happiness and joy with a tinge of sadness, for, at the house in Delhi I shall reenter his room and spend a few odd moments with his picture and his books and glory.

My father - strong and malleable, wise and understanding. I will keep him thus, but the rest of us will want the full McCoy ; and try to discourage a possibility where a change would work wonders. But no, it cannot happen.

In public life, there are no free lunches to survive on.

My love to all …

Amitabh Bachchan