So, time spent in the sun hopefully will take care of it. Along with of course the vit D that is such a necessity for us all. The skin bears a lovely tanned hue for some and a flush of health on the cheeks is always a welcome. The pleasure of a book that narrates my Father’s childhood through his auto biography, his philosophies and beliefs is an added joy. His reference to his early years attraction to the arts - singing, painting and other forms that he appreciated, were sadly, as he puts it, never allowed to fructify due to paucity of funds, in learning them. But he quotes the great writer and thinker Emerson and his written piece on the ‘Philosophy of Compensation’ where the writer analyzes that the human through nature, has always been compensated in some form or the other, when deprived of some form not accessible to him or her. He could not learn to play an instrument, or learn to paint, but was compensated by the natural gift of being able to write. Compensation enough, for him, he concludes.

It worked for my Father. But does it really work for all of us ? Do we get compensated in life ? Ever ? We live in the world of poetic justice do we not. We, meaning those connected with cinema. For, cinema in any form must necessarily have closure in poetic justice, else it would be such a waste of film, time and effort. The bad will be overcome by the good. Evil shall never prevail. Goodness shall be lauded and acknowledged. But in life are there occasions when this would reveal itself in its true form ? Would we call it compensation if it were to happen ? Intriguing. How does the common man get compensated. Or the poor for that matter.

Would it be fair to say that even though he is deprived of the most common elements of survival, he is fortified by all the other embodiments that the not so poor encounter ? And if he were to accept that would he ever not wish, that his poverty be traded for the ‘embodiments ‘ that he may have to face ? Hmm … thought provoking !!

Rain today at Kolkata has perhaps robbed India of winning the test match against the South Africans and reestablishing their No 1 slot in World Cricket. If this were to, hopefully not, happen. How would we seek compensation for our team ? Ha .. the debate continues and the wildest of examples keep falling on to my plate. Better not get there, or I would be wallowing in self pity, or in acknowledgement of self praise. I am in no condition for either. Some one from the FmXt sent me a YouTube link to an old FilmFare Award ceremony, where I have received a best actor in 1991 and I mention in my speech of having received a achievement Award the previous year for my contribution to cinema and whether that was given to me because it was felt that I had done enough and must stop. An abusive comment from a gentleman a few days ago on the blog, admonished me for continuing to work even though I was a ‘budhha’ and that I was becoming a pain in his ‘you know what’ with the kind of work I was doing, which was nothing short of being useless ! In March the Muscat International Film Festival and the Hong Kong International Asian Film Festival honor me with LifeTime Achievement Awards. Are these then portents indicative of a termination of my profession and work ? The compensation here would be, what - ” You’ve been at it for so long, be happy with what you have and stop ” ..

It has been a long wait. There has been no work that I have accepted since mid of last year, other than a short stint for TV. I must get back to the studios and mingle with creativity, expose my inner feelings through fantasized characters, rub the paint of make belief on to others. My greatest tests for performances have been restricted to defensive TV interviews, or exclamatory glorifications of forthcoming productions. If I do not, I shall be buried under the debris of unmitigated self pity, or worse, its opposite !

‘Enough no more , ’tis not so sweet as it was before …’

FmXt member said I write too much, too long, keep it short …

ok ..

Amitabh Bachchan, in love for all