The joys of togetherness, simple yet effective, are the greatest cure for all ailments. Ailments of the heart, of profession, of life are all taken care of when we have the strength and presence of our loved ones with us. Just sitting around in their company, idling, making inane conversation, imitations and recollections of past events, is to me the greatest form of a holiday. Today was one such day ! Cherished and preserved for posterity !

Then … taking the ladies out shopping can be equally enjoyable ! Many of the male species would disagree. Their own mode of shopping is so different from the ladies that they have developed an aversion to this exercise. Men know what they want, know where it is to be got, go there and get it ! End of episode. Women .. well … are a little different too !!

Shopping for them is an adventure, a treasure hunt. Its an entire film  story that has a definite beginning a middle and an end. Most of the time ! The screenplay could dramatically change mid way. Cast and crew could be thrown completely out of gear and as a precaution should always be prepared for it. But seriously though, watching the ladies shop is an education. Nothing is instant and quick. These terms do not exist in the diary. They shall walk into a store with the impression to the shop keeper that it is likely that they shall buy up the entire store. This is most effectively conveyed through speech, attitude and gesture. Their actions subsequently seem to justify earnestly what they wish to convey - many different sections of the store are intensely rummaged, products opened or worn to their comfort and, I do not know if this is a bargaining technique, colors, sizes and designs that are not being displayed are deliberately asked for. There is disconcerted lamentation on they not being in the store, at times followed by a gentle admonition as to why it is important to have such product with them and that they should provide for it on their next visit. This generally comes at the end of the rummaging, when the entire store has adorned a look as though it had just been hit by a tsunami. Trials follow, if it is a garments store ; each wear being put on, admired and posed for quite unconsciously in front of large mirrors within the store. With each seductive turn of the body to admire the product now upon them, there is opinion sought  from those that accompany on what they think of selected item. When accompaniment agrees to its fit and elegance and beauty, they shall be subjected to a well meaning query as to why accompaniment thinks so. If not, an argument on the merits and demerits of its presence on body shall be animatedly pursued. The joining in of the store sales team on this panel discussion is a welcome addition, the timings for which could well take you beyond the closing hours of the department store !

There is however a noticeable feature in all this exercise. Animated as they are in discussions on the feasibility of possible purchase, there is sly look around too at other females in the store and what they are purchasing. Duplication is a sacrilege and a keen eye also observes what the others are about to or negotiating to buy. The moment another client shows interest in their choice, a quick selection occurs and the product is asked to be kept aside and reserved for them, just so that the other does not get it !! Whether it will be purchased or not has still to be decided. For the moment though, because of its interest being created from other quarters, it has been reserved or booked in order to prevent it from going the other side.

Having secured the sale of desired article, or its prevention to sale, a devastating move now takes place. The female imperially announces that she will be back in just a moment, and walks out ! Walks out to the next store ! Next store, to check if they are carrying something similar or better or cheaper or more expensive.. whatever ! This could be a move to indicate to previous seller that they are not indispensable, which always helps in price negotiations, or, and this is merely a personal observation, it could be to check where ‘competition’ was heading !!

Similar procedures shall be followed at many other stores, for that one piece of garment that needs to be acquired. Promises will be made, selections reserved, competition negated at all facilities and then shall come the master stroke ! They shall return to first window and negotiate. For, now they have information from several other stores and have the benefit of threat to go their, if window 1 were to disagree !!

The male that has been dutifully and in many ways, judiciously, agreeing to whatever the female has been approving, has seated himself somewhat uncomfortably, mid way between all the visited stores, by the pavement on a bench. In many respects this is the ‘credit card bench’. There are several other ‘members’ belonging to this fraternity who now quietly join you waiting for their turn to come and to be asked to ‘perform’.

Male shall upon being ’summoned’ observe due diligence on the numbers being crunched at far end of the store. Receipts signed, produce adequately packed in fancy large containers bearing branded names of the ladies department store, is now handed over across the counter to the male, who, lighter in the pocket, awkwardly holding ladies branded bag, turns around to discover that the lady has left the store to another across the road !!

What do you think .. or what would you recommend ..

Better to be watching Cameroon making desperate attempts at equalizing against Denmark in the 2010 World Cup Soccer, being played at vuvuzela’d Stadiums in South Africa !!

Love,

Amitabh Bachchan

ps : for those ignorant to WC Soccer 2010 jargon, ‘vuvuzela’ is a horn instrument being made available at all stadiums for the fans to buy and blow, to cheer their teams with. The constant drone of hundreds of vuvuzela’s at the games is like a very large contingent of bees surrounding the stadium crucible and drowning all other sounds with their constant drone. Many of the surprising and unusual results at the games are being attributed to the distraction of the vuvuzela sound !!! vuvuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!!!!!!