The energy levels increase as the day starts and continues for most of the day, because there is work to be done. Many question often, and of late even more often, why I need to work still. I respond to them in simple language. I need to work because I want to work. My want is not governed by what others think, it is governed by what I think. And so it shall remain. When I shall feel the need to stop I shall stop. But I shall not stop because someone wishes that I do. My condition and my circumstance are mine and mine alone. I wouldn’t dare wish it on another. But if there are those that feel compelled to look after my welfare and wellbeing, let me first thank them for their consideration and then tell them that I and indeed all mankind will eventually be personally responsible for their own welfare and being. Others at best shall only be in a position to express, to show concern, to advise and suggest. But the final decision shall always remain, your own personal. It is we that shall ever be able to assess who and what we are. What our potential is and how far it could be possible for us to go. Others just like that boxing ring earlier post, shall be the ones outside the ring, or at best be ’seconds’ inside during round breaks. Nothing more or less. They will wipe your face, shall quench your thirst, repair your damaged face, talk endless words on how one should be fighting and then disappear. For, when the bell sounds for the next round, it shall just be the two of you again. Your opponent and I. And for the next 3 mins or whatever the time limit administered is applicable, that is how it shall remain.

Singing songs is a tough business. Recording them even worse. But enacting them in front of a camera with hundreds looking upon each and every move, is frightening. I have been through that today and feel relieved that some of the stuff that was done had elements, for which I could say were, not in the least mischievous. They were fun and had a smile within them.

My knowledge of dance has been excruciatingly minimal. And now with the modern day choreographers and dancers that have developed a style of their own, it is tough going for me ..!!  I have scraped through today with a great amount of the song, because I desired that they allow me to get into a rehearsal situation a million years before .. ha ha ha  !!! Really … the artists fascinate me on this issue. I see others lazily flow into a song and come out looking like a million bucks !! They must be terribly well designed to pick up what the move expects from them, in a jiffy. When I in the meantime keep seeking rehearsals, and retakes.

The heat is a killer on set and then what with the rehearsals and retakes it really shatters your self belief and accumen. One constantly seeks approval. A look at the dance assistants, a look at the monitor where the director sits and analyses, a look at your own staff for that endearing smile to say that all is well, a look at others on set, a look towards the entrance, when ……

I am not satisfied with the quality of the work that I have done on the first day of the shoot today. Its a song and scene situation and invariably it is when the song is done and over that you figure out the correct step. I have often wished that we start the song sequence backwards, as in some of the other films that I have done. But for some reason it has not happened. Instead of breaking up the song into regions and shooting the sequences as per what they wished for me …it is possible to continue regardless. But its not the real deal. We shall get one soon..

Sleep deprived, nervousness and fear of getting it all wrong compel me to take to bed and allow the soft pillows to take over their job and execute them for their greatest pleasure ..

Moto then of the day is, when you are wrong … accept it and slumber. When right, remain - from all angles distant and silent. It works like magic !!

LOVE AND MORE

Amitabh Bachchan