A friend sent a message on my arrival - ” Welcome home to a city once called Mumbai” ! I asked why what is it called now .. he replied “Powai Lake” !!! Ha ha … but actually on driving through it was not so bad. A few traffic snarls, cars wading through water, a few on the spot helpers earning their daily wage by pushing vehicles out of the water and several gentlemen in flood inspector pants !!

The rains have been most welcome ! For the crop, for the power generation and for the drinking waters .. but delightful climate ! Hot drinks, spicy snacks and just lazing around. Not that I did much of it, but there …

One starts and puts in motion, another takes over and then another. First BHTB and then Aarakshan and KBC … its an endless motion, but how wonderful that I could be excited enough to do it and look forward to it. As the euphoria for BHTB continues - I still get messages from well wishers, who have not sent me anything for long, saying they are at a house full show in Pune in Delhi and other places .. there starts another film campaign for ‘Aarakshan’, a film entirely opposite to what the previous was. This is sober and idealistic and brittle and powerful in content and execution. And along with it is the preparation for the KBC 5, if it can be called that. The basics are discussed today in a long meeting and a few changes are being introduced, which I am certain shall be made public soon enough ..

But all in all the nature of our ‘busy ness’ multiplies and that really is what one looks out for. Work … continuous work is the stimulant for longevity I would imagine .. I do not consider longevity to be simultaneous with my kind of work, its the work itself that is essential to keep me going. The anticipation of the morrow, the feasibility of the job, the attempt to do better than what had been done earlier, all go in to make for an exciting ‘look forward’ .. at least for me ! I have a scene tomorrow and I am eager to finish off this blog so I can go and rehearse its content and see if I could manage. There shall be apprehension and nerves and uncertainty.. but once the camera rolls, I wonder where it all goes. What is that moment of truth, when just before the director shouts ‘action’ and later when it is ‘cut’. Both commands instigate within us a sense of duty and allegiance to our respective jobs, in the circumstances that have been prepared for us. The switch on from normal to camera mode is by itself a huge change in adrenalin and attitude and vice versa. We must be abnormal to take these swift changes in our normal stride, to put on and put off within nano seconds, look and sound convincing and still hope expectantly that what was done was what was required. Canned and stored in posterity, it shall be there in immortal form, forever …

That is a frightening thought. But perhaps in a sense lucky. Lucky to be archived, and happy to be not around when they shall be subjected to some research or discussion. There are obvious risks in wanting the job to be concluded while we are around, so a sense of individuality perfection rules ; though I am not particularly fond of such situation, and the other of course is the relief of not being around, mortally, to be assessed by a bunch of the younger generation and pointed towards the mistakes we made. …

All very fascinating this … but getting down to it is a task. Many ask me why I never documented my movements, my life, in whatever I did through those early years, and I really have no answer but to submit most humbly, that it seemed to me to be a most immodest act. Immodesty though in today’s times has long been thrown out of the window. Its just not ‘cool’ to be so ! And so then, one gets down to doing and saying what one believes in and what they feel will succeed. And most of the times they do, so it would be fruitless to try and bring some order in an already successful model. My posterity I believe shall be judged by my films. For me that is enough evidence that I was around. But for many others it is not. The media wants greater detail and information or else …

So in the end … do we really want to live for the media, or do we want to live with ourselves ! They both can bring excellent results, the only difference being that one could and would exploit it to the rest of the world, the other would not … perhaps !!! It could mean a most lucrative decision for both and so it needs to be thought well and with sincerity …

Alright … off to bed again !!!

My love to all and more …

Amitabh Bachchan