I have worked in Tv for more than a decade now and can respectfully say that it always has been a most trying experience. But it must be said, that nothing could be more exciting and satisfying than being involved in one of them.

Yes the hours and the labor that goes into one such show is beyond comprehension. And were one to be a first hand on the spot observer, one would have nothing but marvel inscribed deeply within them. It is a wonder at times how things eventually fall into place, but fall in place they do …. and succeed !

The drain on energy for the entire day in front of Tv cameras is immeasurable. You need the support of various factors to get you through the day. But they do get through, miraculously though.

I find pens an interesting gift - most of the time to myself ! Finding a correct and attractive model for yourself is one of the high points of one’s life. Do any of you remember the very first pen you possessed and how it had become an integral part of your daily routine. You cared for it like you would your own body. Wash it, clean it, keep it not too far away from sight. Use it judiciously in writing out the most important letters of your existence, gracefully holding its unique body to form some of your most important private thoughts. Protecting it with your life, keeping it close to your body and on your personal as a symbol of one that was learned and dignified.

That joy of running it through the pages of paper, of stopping by an ink pot to drop all excess into the bottle or to fill up the tank on the pen with delight. To adjust to the variations that have since developed in ink filling - the tissue paper on hand to wipe out that excessive ink from the pot. The first induction of the ball pen and the wonder in our minds of how a pen without the benefit of any carry over ink, could possibly survive. But survive it did and continues to do so.

Some of the features that still remain valid and potent are the different types of the nib - broad, medium, fine, calligraphic … and so on ! And then the moment of decision when you approach a book store or one that could be safely called a stationary store, to scribble with dipped ink, on the pad of paper that is offered for tests. The scribblings that come to your sight are sincerely amazing. Most of the time they are somewhat selfish. You always end up scribbling your own name in various forms and deciding which pen and with which you would move ahead. The doodlings on the spare paperwork at most such stores, would be a treasure trove in a few years to come. It would make interesting reading to find out what the state of mind would have to be, to execute such sudden change.

But yes the writing on the pages of pages of paper and then the realization of its futility, does make for a case of lack of interest for the environment. Gallons of ink later, multitudes of spare paperwork to be signed or consulted on, you suddenly discover, damn I should have done it on a keyboard and restored a record and file for its discovery after a few years. But that special charm of opening an old letter, sent ages ago by your friend, or discovering some of the ruthlessness of those that were abusive towards our existence. The analysis, the commentary, the reasonable doubt, all fall into place as the years and days go by, assured that all that was constructed and maintained was indeed for our own good. And even if it was not, so what, at least it was maintained and kept for so long.

I don’t know … whether all this makes any sense at all .. i would like all of you to believe that it was meant to be just that …

My love as always

Amitabh Bachchan