A possession that one builds with love affection care and great emotion when threatened causes immense pain and frustration. Yes there were times when it was so. When it became imperative that now was the time to perhaps lose the very edifice that gave us a roof under which to live and thrive and survive. May the Almighty never ever allow such feelings to prevail in the lives of anyone. It is the most destructive and unbearable moment for any one in any circumstance - rich, poor, middle class whatever ! I say this because I went through this moment in my life not so long ago. Your house your little nest built with the greatest of affection is suddenly attached under system notices of it being a guarantee for an offense that could have been committed. But while you shall spend the rest of your life perhaps in trying to disprove this, its ramifications could be extremely severe.

It is not the fact of losing the house, its the embarrassment of the situation and the face one shall have to show to the public. Facing the public or public domain is still for me a treacherous task, one that I would rather avoid than indulge in. I know that in my profession this is an emotion that does not hold any space in our daily lives, but there it is …

When I express myself in all honesty by saying that the nerves and the butterflies still bother me, there is a cynical smug titter that comes through among most. But why ? Are we all such accomplished professionals that public appearances do not bother us. They do ! Which is what I am saying and expressing that feel here today.

Some of the moments of speech when in the presence of public domains, at functions and events that occur show a distinct fear of expressing myself … and so it remains. Remains with us for time immemorial.

There are a few events that shall be coming up soon and my preparation for them is zilch. No I am not over confident of the moment, its just that when there is nothing I know can prevent me from such occurrence I would rather take it on my chest and perform or simply accept defeat and keep my distance from such.

But then for how long ?

Sooner or later because of the situation you find yourself in, things begin to change and the outburst that one may have had reserved for a bigger occasion, actually pours out in a most undefined or unwanted structure. That is regrettable, unwanted, unwarranted and shall often be the cause for a permanent damage to a situation that could well have been avoided.

How ugly their minds must be that allow such feelings to fester within. How much destruction they must be doing as they sit idle inside ready to burst open at the slightest provocation. How damaging this must be to the insides of our system is difficult to gauge. It is this silent yet explosive incendiary that builds up its intensity gradually, and which has the capacity to blow out without warning or spilling out of its consequences.

It may take a long time for it to emerge. Some say this is good others not. I personally do not know what and which is good or bad and so I continue. Continue to perform my chores as is my wont and if it ruffles some feathers, so be it. I should either be forthright or have no right at all.

It would be interesting to read some of the comments on this …

I rest and refrain any further .. with my love to all and more …

Amitabh Bachchan