A day filled with emotions that differ .. emotions in contrast, in opposite directions .. a celebration of a relative as he steps into 90 years of his life and in another, one that has passed away. How does one balance the two. Its almost like being on camera with tears in one shot and after it is over to laugh it off as you head towards your vanity. The harsh reality of this situation is at times the most difficult to handle.

My daughter’s in laws Mamaji turns 90 and there is greeting and gifts and well being and prayers for a long life. Of meeting old friends of age and recollecting old times and the spirit of our care free existence amidst laughter and fun and music at an exclusive locale in town.

On the other almost simultaneously a family like Pratap Sharma, of voice and drama and writing and commentary and so many other gifted acquisitions of self, passes away and we gather to mourn his departure. But it must be said .. the family decides to ‘celebrate’ his going away rather than mourn his death. The body may have left but he was still there they believe. And such a warm and strong feeling that leaves within us ; gracefully accepted by all in a spirit of acknowledging his ‘presence’ as it were.

Life is strange and humans like us even stranger. We adjust each moment with the strength of conviction and belief. We alter ourselves almost in the different shades of a chameleon, to camouflage that which we do not desire, by readjusting our demeanor and countenance to suit situations. Expressions, faces and moods change with the rapidity of neutrinos, the latest discovery that is being calculated to move that fraction of a degree, faster than light. Where does it all emanate from is a question that has troubled me for long. I was so immersed in the extreme changes that actors go through during the course of a day on set, that I never ever paid attention to the fact that humans go through more and much more perhaps in the 24 hrs of a day in their life and existence. Our minds and our heads must be made of such stern stuff. Harboring the vagaries that confront us, adjusting to circumstances that regularly torment and torture us and still having the gall to conduct ourselves with aplomb, must and is a remarkable feat.

We are special, of that there is little doubt, but how much, is what is unknown. I fear there shall be a day in the not too distant a future, when, at the rate with which inventions prevail, we shall all be functioning in a manner that may never require the assistance of technology. Technology itself would have evolved itself to such great level that it would become a part of us rather than the other way round.

Today we log in and restore for posterity the stem cells required to determine and resolve ailments which may occur, but without the fear of it causing any harm to the system. The prolongation of life itself is against the tenets of nature. We have lived and learnt that nature must never be tampered with. So how does the inventor of today feel towards means that defy them. There must be sense of great power to know that an individual can have the capacity to control its own longevity. Or for that matter any other matter.

At 2 in the morning such thoughts defeat the desire to turn in and follow what has been prescribed by that which we fight against .. to learn and discover, apprehend, resolve and admit to the generations that are still to come that they were and we are such ordinary beginners in this most fascinating days of life that we have had privilege to live in …

Good night dear ones … there is travel tomorrow somewhat early .. and so to bed !!

Amitabh Bachchan