The ‘central line’ came out a short while ago … a good looking healthy 6″ of needle immersed into your neck ‘vein’ and the relief of mobility now cannot be aptly described. The body is now free from all ‘kites’ and wires and soon shall be free from this hospital as well. The intensity of the pain and discomfort is describable only when it is present. Then too it is difficult to put a finger, or a standard, or a level to it. It is only when relieved from it that you begin to realize how large it was. Soon hopefully this intricate and most unique human body shall also make us consider that in the past, and very little shall remain in our memories. At least that is what I have noticed. But then my case may be viewed differently. There have been so many incidents that it is best none of them leave any stain of remembrance behind. It would be disastrous for my mind to accomodate so much of my own misery. So, deliberately or otherwise, it has continued to remain away, and thank God for that.

It makes for great sympathetic narration, your troubles and trials. But after a while, even the listener shall wonder when your tale shall come to an end. They would rather begin to narrate their own experiences with the knife and doctors than listen to yours ! Its the way of humans and life. Its a sentiment I have often written about. So then, before the rest of the Ef begin to yawn and wonder on ways of changing this topic, I must take the hint and stop.

The wonderful Tabu visited today and spent sizable time, talking of many connected and unconnected issues. Of film and nature, of quality and appreciation and of course her own considerations on the kind of films she wanted to be associated with. A joy always to be with her.

It shall now be a few more days when I shall be heading home. The mind has already begun to programme the time to be spent and how. There shall be the obvious precautions, but besides that a desire to utilize the time in constructive learning and to acquire knowledge of matters still a mystery for me. the fact that all this comes to the fore now when most of your life span is over is strange. But then either you spend time in establishing yourself and your dependents, or time on learning. The insecurity of losing opportunity in the establishing, weighs heaviest at these times and any diversionary act threatens to diminish your worth, which I might add is something that you have spent your most valuable time in establishing it. But then, it has never been too late to start and I feel now is as good a time as any.

The two incisions on the lower belly are now visible. They look clean and neat, but obviously a presence you would rather not have among the already rather congested stomach. I believe in time, the fresh ‘entrant’ into the community, shall exert its presence, much to the chagrin of those already there, but as has been experienced in the past, they all settle down to love and respect each other. They all carry different and exciting tales, each one of those scars. And at any given time they must be conversing with the others that occupy sensitive space on my belly, on what transpired when and what its consequences were, before they begin to appreciate the ‘newcomer’. So long as they do not talk about inviting some more within them it should be fine. Up to being a golf course was fine, but talk of another 18 holes would be devastating !!

A bit morbid I think on my part to get into this conversation and so with multiple apologies and excuse ..

Good night ..

Amitabh Bachchan