Jitesh Pillai, the affable Editor of Filmfare, in his editorial for the latest copy of the magazine has addressed an entire page to me. I must admit I am not used to such attention. When you become the favorite whipping horse of the media, such glorious accolades surprise you. In fact at times they make you a bit cynical. O, dear wonder what horrors are coming next. But I would want to give credit to Filmfare and Jitesh in particular for this, not because it speaks well of me, but because they have conducted themselves with immense dignity, within the code of ethics of their profession.

A couple of Filmfare issues ago, they had put me on the cover in their commemoration to the 80 most impressive performances of Indian Cinema and many among you had remarked how they could have left out a film like ‘Deewar’. ‘Deewar’ and Filmfare have a long untold story that many are unaware of, and perhaps should continue to be unaware of. This is not the time for it. But, it is indeed time to acknowledge the graciousness with which the magazine and its editorial have not just remembered ‘Deewar’, but several other films of mine during that period ; films that went unsung and without any recognition.

Jitesh is an avid film commentator. He has from time to time visited many of my older works and never hesitated , even in the middle of the night, to send that complimentary sms in acknowledgement. I have found it difficult to react or respond to them, primarily because the films were too far away in memory and also because during the time that they were released, they had never drawn the kind of attention they were drawing now, in the eyes of Jitesh.

I have for long been wanting to speak to the FmXt on an observation of mine in this connection. Filmfare and Madhuri were the only two prominent film magazines of the time. They belonged to the Bennett Coleman and Times of India Group of Companies. The former in English with Mr Karanjia at its head and the latter in Hindi. The Filmfare-Madhuri Talent Contest that I applied for when I wanted to join the Industry, emanated from here. Filmfare was the first to have started the process of Awards in film in the country and their annual function used to be held at the prestigious Shanmukhananda Hall. In those early days, the announcements of the winners were not made the way they are now, or the way the Oscars functioned, by keeping the suspense till the opening of the coveted envelope. The awards were announced much before the day of the ceremony, the winners being seated on the stage at the start of the event and colleagues in the audience called up to give the award to the winners. Generally, important politicians were the chief guests, or very senior members of the fraternity. If I remember correctly President Nasser of Egypt during his state visit to India was once the honored guest, he being particularly impressed by the the exquisite Vijayantimala ji, who had, I believe, been asked to give a solo classical dance recital at the Rashtrapati Bhavan, in his honour.

Popular cinema was always in the forefront of selection for reward and the entire Industry turned out in their ’sunday best’ for that night of nights. We as outsiders used to see these ceremonies on Government Film Division documentaries or on the news reels that ran before the start of any film in the cinema halls. And we would live in hope and in dream, to be able to get just once, an opportunity to enter the hallowed portals of Shamukhananda. Little had I imagined that one day I would be a member of this fraternity and that within the very second year of my initiation find myself among the esteemed winners on that celebrated stage.

Unlike the multitude of film reviews we have now, the review in Filmfare was looked upon as the ultimate yardstick in assessing merit. During those early years of mine in the late 60’s and 70’s upto the mid and late 80’s, I and many others from the fraternity made a most pertinent observation. The best reviews did not necessarily translate to the best awards. The magazine was the same, they were the ones giving the awards, then why the dichotomy. The magazine defended itself by saying that the awards were a reflection of the poll conducted through forms carried in their issues and that they could not disrespect the voice of the people. This seemed a fair and credible explanation. Until.. it was discovered that Filmfare copies were being bought en masse and the forms being filled in not by separate individuals, as it should have been, but by a group of persons that wished for their favorite to win !! In the middle of the checks and balances that soon followed, Indian Cinema became aggressively aware of the ‘art cinema’ or the ‘parallel cinema’ and they, because they were gaining acceptance and some recognition in foreign film festivals, they still do, became a priority with the media. For some years thereon, commercial cinema did not find favor at the Filmfare Award nights. The more artistic cinema, albeit with some of the finest stars and technicians the country had ever seen, became the calling at these ceremonies. Which was all very well, except, the commercial cinema stopped attending these award functions, there was nothing for them in there, and the glamour quotient that they were bringing disappeared. What also disappeared in equal proportion, was public interest, many of whom were completely unaware and ignorant of the kind of cinema that was being rewarded. For some years, the Award ceremony was even shut down.

Around 1975, Mrs Indira Gandhi, the Prime Minister of India announced a state of Emergency in the country. Prominent leaders were arrested and jailed and press censorship was promulgated. For a country that had just 30 years ago achieved its Independence fighting for its liberty and freedom of expression, this was a shocking decision for the media. Along with this came the announcement through Government sources for the curtailing of the more frivolous material in the film press. A prominent and popular film magazine that pioneered the era of sensational writing at the time, sought the participation of the film industry in a program that they were organizing. At a joint meeting of the industry it was decided to not patronize the event and the industry obeyed. The function got cancelled. But for some reason the entire film press put the onus of blame on to me. They decided to ban me. They were of the firm belief and opinion with facts, that it was Mr Amitabh Bachchan, whose proximity to Mrs Gandhi as a close family friend, and which was universally known, was the culprit. It was he, they firmly believed, that had asked the Prime Minister to bring on the press ban. The insinuation was ridiculous. To date no one has given me any concrete proof on this. But there it was. The press removed me from existence. No photographs, no write ups, no mention of name, nothing. If I attended a public function, the cameramen would deliberately put down their cameras on the floor to express to me their attitude and to show to the world that they were humiliating me. If a magazine wished to write the credits of a film that I was starring in, my name would be removed and replaced with a comma.

When they had reached this extent, I decided to ban them too. I never entertained or spoke to any press for almost 18 years. They were not allowed on my sets, they were out of my life. But I was not out of the life of the people of this country. During this period came the most successful films of my career. There were times when films of mine were released on 5 consecutive Fridays simultaneously and they all ran for 75 weeks. That era of siver, golden and diamond jubilees is lost and over now.

In a few months, the press started bringing me back in their pages, but I did not relent. Rauf Ahmad a senior journalist and for a while editor of Filmfare, in an interview for a TV program much later, confessed that the media hated me, but would still put me on the cover because I was selling. During my ‘Coolie’ accident the media took everything back. They came forward to report on my health through bulletins and write ups and many and all that had been my severest critics wished me a speedy recovery. When Mrs Indira Gandhi, after having lost and won again as Prime Minister after the Emergency, visited me at the Breach Candy Hospital, they could not delete that from their records. They were gracious and I reciprocated their gestures by acknowledging them and their concern. Nari Hira, a dear friend, owner of several media and a mogul in his own right and who had taken my conduct not too kindly, grew immensely in my respect when I visited his home after my recovery, where he stated that ‘they had wanted me to fail, but they never wished that I should die’. That one sentence spoke volumes about the kind of feelings he harbored within him for me. I shall never forget that day or that instance and we have always been there for each other since.

You may be wondering perhaps if I have digressed from where we started off. How and why this long discourse fits into the topic of discussion. Let me now elaborate in as brief a manner as possible.

It was during the period of the recognition being offered to ‘art cinema’, of the misguided anger of the press on wrong assumptions on the press ban, and my own decision to reciprocate the offer, that all those films that went unnoticed by the media deliberately, released to huge successes. There is therefore no record of the happenings of those days, no affirmation of the merits that those films deserved, and there is no recognition of them either. Filmfare gave everyone connected with the film ‘Deewar’ an award, but gave me nothing. If they didn’t give Dilip Kumar an award for best actor in ‘Ganga Jamuna’, who the heck was I, is how I consoled myself. But greater consolation followed soon after. They gave the award for best actor to Sanjiv Kumar for the film ‘Andhi’ and invited me to the function. And as he stood on stage to receive his reward they announced my name to come up and present the award to him.

I went up on stage to the loudest roar and applause that I had ever heard in my public life till then. The next day Mr Karanjia the editor of Filmfare wrote a letter to me. Those contents I shall not disclose but I can say this that he was most gracious in acknowledging my presence at the function and my agreeing to give away the best actor award. For that moment and day it was my greatest consolation.

And today as I see Jitesh Pillai, Editor of Filmfare, almost 33 years after that incident, title his editorial in salutation to me and for my film ‘Deewar’ I am moved by emotion. I am happy that I did not get the award for ‘Deewar’in 1975-6, because this editorial is now more valuable to me than any ‘black lady’ that I may have ever won !!

Thank you Jitesh !

With love …