There is noting quite as serene and beautiful as the sight of a little baby asleep. If the innocence and the peace of such a visual were to be made permanent in the lives of all humans, the world would be such a better place to be in.

It was the last visual that remained with me as I crept in to bed to connect with the extended family. Shweta’s gift of the bed table and chair with connected light and massage vibrations over the back, bring comfort to an otherwise strained and exhausted body as I run through the pictures that need to be put up on the blog of the award night. It is a humungous task to do so, but one that needs to be shared with the FmXt.

What a night ! I came in early and went straight to the back into the vanity van, to get ready and be made up for the presentation of the Teen Patti promotion skit we were doing. Hunger pangs almost ripped my stomach apart and I stepped out and into Shahrukh’s vanity opposite mine and stole some of his salad that he was gorging into ; he having missed his lunch as well. Shahid Kapoor and he then discussed the protocol on the Jodi No 1 award to be presented by them to the two of us - Abhishek and I and having satisfied ourselves with who was going to do what we left them to rehearse their portion of the compering that they were to get involved with. On the day when we were all on stage - Shahrukh, Shahid, Abhishek and I, all that we had designed went for a toss and we took over in an impromptu little moment, ending up with the monkey dance for Auro being taught to them first and then doing it with all on stage, to a delighted and rapturously applauding audience screaming in delight !!

Abhishek and Aishwarya announced the best actor and a proud father went up to greet his son and daughter in law at the podium. You never know what to say at moments like this, but I was very keen to of course thank Balki for his vision and desire to make a film of this dimension, but also to the make up department that worked tirelessly on my face to make sure all went well.

Yash Chopra and I were asked to present the Lifetime Achievement Award to Javed Akhtar and there could not have been a more deserving person than him to have been honoured. It was an emotional moment as the three of us stood there, 35 years after we had just finished DEEWAR, one of the finest scripts written for the Indian Cinema. 35 years gone by and it seemed just like yesterday that we had sat in Yashji’s modest home and heard the script for the first time from Salim and Javed. And with each gap of 10 - 15 scenes of narration, Javed Saheb would say - 25 weeks ! and then move on to the next jubilee week and the next !

Those days, a jubilee was the ultimate yardstick for success. Deewar went on to 75 weeks and more if I am not mistaken. Today the life of a film is decided on the first week and at the most by the second week the film’s glory has passed away. It is also creditable that within this two week period the entire business of a film is assessed and concluded.

I am happy to note PAA is in its 7th week !

The pictures you see along side are various moods of the evening. The dynamic sets of the day, my perched position for the TP act, the family in the audience, the son and daughter in law announcing the best actor, my acceptance speech, the audience as it stands respectfully when my award is announced, SRK, Shahid and Abhishek do the monkey dance with me and on …

Shahrukh and Shahid presenting the Jodi No 1 award and our little configuration on stage.

Maddy, Madhavan and the cast of Teen Patti in a curtain call. The youngsters by the side, their first film and their first stage performance. They need all the encouragement and support when the film releases next month by the 26th.

I was to have had a restful night but it turned out the other and I have no reason to give as to why this happened. I wanted to put down my thoughts as soon as I got up .. write to the familia about what troubled me, but refrained. And shall remain refrained perhaps for a while.

Some disturbing elements have taken precedence over the award ceremonies in our city and in our fraternity and Industry. It is the incongruity of those moments and the ugly face it bears, that has been perhaps unforgettable. It is unfortunate but it is true and worth the noting.

We shall talk on this more someday, when there is an effort to understand with an open mind and heart.

I started today with a visual. The child and its innocent countenance. A face of peace and well being. Of innocence and purity. Alas, purity shall remain with the child only, for, as he grows he shall encounter the raw truths of life. The challenge then is the true worth of a human. Will they succumb and perish, or would they stand up to the values with which they were born. Of truth and fairness and incorruptibility. Strong words to face for any individual. But face they must. Somewhere in the world a challenge has been accepted and played. Do we support them or do we succumb to the voice of the majority - structured and made available through the conscience of many who perhaps suffered and are now clean !!

I am blessed I am away from all this. These people that stand and respect on my announcement, convey their love yes, but also give me the space to feel that I am sincere and dear to them.

At 68 after 40 years of my existence in this marvelous Industry, it feels strange to win a best actor award. I mean what exactly am I doing here. This is not my domain. It is the domain of the young and talented and excitable individuals, many of them in and around me. But as the slide on the other side of the mountain increases, it becomes difficult to apply any kind of brakes. They would be ineffective. Digging in would only be in the region of snow unless there are tree laden mountains that can be used to learn and strengthen the drop, to perhaps slow it down. But then for what ?

I feel out of place at times in the company of the young. They are respectful and that is what disturbs. With respect they demonstrate their conscience. A conscience that does not necessarily equate with others.

How I wish I could - be with them in their thinking and thought, to share and discuss in debate. To be a part of their creativity and compassion. To have the gall to inculcate within me their nature and mind.

I laugh at times at the incongruity of the moment. But soon stop. One day they will be where you have been and will know and feel the occasion. It would be interesting to know what they would feel and how they would react. And how wonderful if we could at that time compare notes .. or maybe … they have no desire to do so !!

Life .. you are stranger than most of us think you are …

Amitabh Bachchan