I shall always admire those that were able to accomplish this most difficult feat with aplomb and success and were able to establish themselves with the benefit of a team that took the responsibility of being responsible to their client ; to save , protect and look after them.

I see the younger generation of today move about with nothing less than an entire team of managers around them. That guide them, nurture their desires, watch and advise them at each step that they take. Taking the load of stardom off their delicate shoulders and leaving them free and elated from day to day, moment to moment essentials. I have never been able to achieve that and now its too late to even hope for some assistance. Sometimes its difficult to change, to adjust, to adopt a new practice. Sometimes it is not necessary. Sometimes unwanted. Most of the time, lack of interest.

For long I have been plagued by such thought. But what kept me away has always been the fact and belief that my tenure is going to be so short and rapid, that it would be too presumptuous of me to think beyond a year or at the very maximum two. When time itself is of such limited availability, what then the use of deploying or even thinking larger and progressive. And with that in mind I have never encouraged it. And now when its at the end of it all, I feel the same - its finished now so what be the use !!

Idle musings !!

And I wonder at times. God has been most kind and generous. Perhaps that is the way it was ordained. Who knows, had it been any other way perhaps it would have all fallen flat. So rest and be content with what we have been blessed with. Any more or less and it would perhaps have not made much difference.

Shweta left, back for Delhi this morning and it is always sad to see her leave. She went back to her home to her husband and her children, happy and fulfilled, but when she is here she fills the home with her zest and enthusiasm and charm and the knowledge of her voracious skills and opinion on complex matters. Last night she had sat and casually talked to some of us gathered for dinner, on the Mahabharat ! And I thought it was the opening up of an encyclopedic experience. The insights and evaluations on certain hidden details, connecting them to life and modern interpretations was such a joy to just listen in, enraptured. She must devote time to writing - a quality that shall be regretted if she does not take it in. My Father’s genes reflect deeply in her and they must be nurtured and explored further.

It is that time of the year when we think of those that have been with us in service and work and how we can reward them for it. So most of the day has gone into preparing advantages that they may enjoy on this festive and august moment. It is always a very fulfilling thought when we give. Giving to me breeds greater satisfaction than receiving. And may I ever be in such circumstance where I could give rather than receive. To me it is almost a pious act of devotion, giving. I shall never be able to give all that is the need of some, but the effort to be able entertain it is sufficient for me, and hopefully for those that receive it too.

And now, as the day ends and the bed beckons, I reflect back on it and its lovely presence. The simplicity of having not much to say or act upon. To have had the opportunity of pleasant conversation. To have spent time with family and involved ourselves in common cause - a film on release, ‘Action Replay’. Fun and frolic ! Aishwarya works with Akshay and a host of new introductions, all of whom seem so confident, calm and relaxed. Its directed by Vipul, with whom I did ‘Ankhein’ and ‘Waqt’.

And when I see film, I wonder first how I would have been able to do all that this generation does with such ease. And I imagine placing myself in most of the situations and finding myself so inadequate. Simultaneously though, there is a desire to  get on with our work and get in front of the cameras as soon as possible to test to challenge ourselves yet again with issues and situations. And when it is all over to have pride in showing it to others. We are so vain at times are we not ?

Must get into shape for all the fresh work that has been now cemented. To gym to control in diet to exercise and bring ourselves to some mobility. It is such a difficult task. But one that must be done and so ….

Au revoir ! Bon nui ! Guten nacht !

Shubh Ratri, shabba khair !! …. as the city spruces up for Obama in a few days …

Amitabh Bachchan