Independence Day ! Our independence from foreign rule ! Our own country, our own flag, our own land, our own anthem. And Freedom ! Freedom to breathe the air without oppression, without fear. After a thousand years of being subjugated and invaded, being suppressed, following another, not our own, now free at last.

What a time in the history of my country. I had always wished to have been a part somehow of those turbulent times. Times that spoke of sacrifice and commitment to the nation. The excitement of revolution, of defiance to authority of the invader, of being a part of a movement, of being a part of common thought, common goal, common existence. Of wanting to be a follower. A follower to the great minds and principles. Of being one with the millions in common program. Born 5 years before independent India, too young to have known or understood what was going on.

And now, 63 years into the life of Bharat. A citizen, a national, a proud citizen of my Motherland -Bharat Mata. Not many countries give their nation a female gender. But Mata, Mother, the creator and bearer revered and idolized in this country.

Maa tujhe salaam !!

Ok .. so the health is much better. The bounce is coming back and by the time I was facing crowds and Tv technology at Indian Idol 5 at Filmistan Studios, I was in the ‘orange’ of my health ! Announcing results when judgement has to be made on caliber, talent and acumen is one of the most difficult tasks. I once was invited to be on the panel of judges for a Miss World Contest in South Africa, at Sun City, and I found that to be the most disturbing experience ever. How does one judge one human with another and conclude its result publicly. How does one tell a lady on her face that the other contestant is better looking or better equipped than the other. I found it most uncomfortable and unkind and I swore I would never ever agree to do something like this again.

Thankfully, tonight, the decision was made by the people through a voting bank and I merely had to go up and announce the decision. But still it was bad enough. Three finalists and one to be declared a winner ! Painful ! To me there were so many winners. So many young that had excelled themselves during the course of the contest. Fine singers, fine talent, but only because they were to be judged by a mass country voting system, many deserving candidates fell through.

Painful because they are all there as the results are announced. Its like waiting for the judge to announce a verdict in court. To hang or not to hang ! Just a most terrifying moment. But the rules of the game had to be adhered to and one was going to go through and the others not.

As I waited among them on this dressed up and colorful platform, I suddenly went back to the days in Sherwood College, Nainital, my School and the similar moments on stage when the best actor would be announced after the Founder’s play was over. Not getting it one year, getting it the next year and missing it due to illness in the third. Just such incredulous moments in the life of a 14-15 year old. It was like an entire world had crumbled.

We are older now and wiser and more resilient, but the pain and anxiety of loss, of failure, still haunts us and causes us distress and pain and embarrassment. The failure of a project, a film, a moment, an enterprise gone wrong. Its all very well to stand up bravely to the taunts and caustic remarks and to protect ourselves with great words of great minds, that attempt to sooth our senses with philosophy. But deep inside the pain is unbearable. You know you cannot win all the time, but you wish that you would. You pray, you seek divine intervention, you get entrapped by superstitions and astrological machinations, palm readings, mind readings, face readings, readings of any sort to give you that element of the unknown positivity.

When it happens, you move to a emotional breakdown of thankfulness. When it doesn’t you keep it yourself in embarrassment and shame.

And you start preparing. Preparing to fight failure, loss, defeat, with just one aim in mind. To somehow. Somehow turn the tide. To rectify the wrong or the miss. To come back with success. To reach an area of redemption.

Generally it does not happen with the immediacy you require. The wait is long and arduous. There is that cloud of suspicion, on whether it will indeed happen or not. At times many more failures accompany the most recent. Thats like the last nail in the coffin. And hope and prayer is all that remains with you.

With each day even now, that hope and prayer remains. Tomorrow is unknown, unaware, diminished and forlorn. You wonder if fate will be with you, whether the stars will be favorable and the God’s will be with you. All that stays with you is your desire and will. Your talent and your ability. Your guile and your mind. That, and the love of your family and those near to you. Nothing else.

As I struggle each day, this is what comes along strong and lasting. And I pray that those that may go through such pain and anxiety be strengthened by their will and to know that there are others around, of family and friend, that seek to extend their hands in support and partnership.

So help me God !

In love and in an attempt to hold your hands for courage, for understanding and for support

Amitabh Bachchan